The Lace of Intimacy

I hate intimacy. It’s just like wearing a lace blouse on a cold day. You feel everything!

Healing has brought me into much more intimate places. This is not a sexual reference, rather a human one.

Intimacy is defined as a close familiarity or friendship. I’ve spent most of my life isolating myself and trying not to check into close relationships.

I had a lot of party buddies but most of them did not help my inner healing. My heart stayed out of these friendships and I liked it that way. I didn’t have to feel more than I was forced to feel.

Coming through such a treacherous past, I had deep pain. So much pain that I couldn’t tolerate any more feeling. Connection creates feeling and it was the last thing I really needed.

Love included in that!

After my first divorce, I stayed single and dated men who were very disconnected and wanted no intimacy. I didn’t say, “No sex,” I said, “No intimacy.”

Healing is a continuous journey. One that never ends, I believe.

I no longer live at the address of 1122 No Intimacy Here. I’ve changed my address and welcome close times with people. I always had moments of it here and there, and I’ve had some good friendships, but the truth was that my inner being just couldn’t take any more connection.

I had to stop all the turmoil and clear out the dust mites in my heart before I could allow more in.

Intimacy can still feel like wearing a lace shirt in dead of winter, but I’m more tolerant of it now.

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