Forgiven of what? I owe no debt to the people who abused me. Why then does it feel like I am forced to repay something I didn’t steal?
Why do abuse survivors feel the need to hide the dirty secret? Is it for their own protection or is it to protect the abuser?
I think our silence is the result of somehow owning the abuse. Maybe it was our fault, you know – somehow. Were we needy and allowed it? Did we crave attention so bad that we gave our nod of approval?
But, somewhere in the quiet recesses of our minds, we hold these quiet accountabilities.
So, again, the question is – do I need to forgive the offenses against me to receive forgiveness?
When it comes to the question of abuse, there is nothing you did to be sorry for. Abusers often want reconciliation without offering their words of, “I’m sorry for all I’ve taken from you.” They also like our false and inaccurate accountability.
How do I receive forgiveness for a crime I didn’t commit? Or deeper still, how do I offer the abuser forgiveness when they aren’t asking for it?
Forgiving is truly a one-way street. Understanding that it cannot be received when a person doesn’t need it or hasn’t asked for it.
Forgiveness can sting when it’s offered, but then rejected. Again, forgiving is a one-way street that is yours alone to walk. Most abusers don’t believe they even need it!
5 thoughts on “Forgive, to Be Forgiven?”
It’s not easy to forgive someone when they have wreaked your life. It’s deeply personal. I asked Jesus to help me forgive because on my own I would have never been able to. Why? I had personal reasons for wanting to. It helped to lift the burden from me and place it on them. But that’s just me. Like I said, it’s deeply personal and I don’t believe God would be critical of us if we couldn’t. He knows us better than we know ourselves. Offering prayers for you.
So true, Brian! So true. I actually recently told my mother I would not have found grace for her, but God wanted me to. I left my full forgiveness but I’m not staying in that desolate land of lies they live in. Thank you for being here and sharing your journey. Full blessings to you today!
It is such a challenging issue. I only believe in it if it arises out of a deep process of coming to terms with not as a directive that we ‘should’ obey to be so called ‘spiritual’.. At some point the price of holding onto the anger just gets too much but a deeply personal process and decision for everyone. <3
It is such a personal journey. For me, it took away an expectation of some change or love be offered from them. I hope you’re doing well. It’s great to hear from you!
Yes that’s what hurts the most..feeling well are completely unfelt by them and invisible to them..its so hard to inyegrate that distress and pain.