When insatiable pain enters my soul, I’m perplexed with indecision. I can run away from it or I can try to devour it and end it’s sting.
If I don’t outrun it, then it finds me. If I try to look at it, it overtakes me.
These feel like two really bad choices. I hate making the decision to inquire my heart to stay open, after all it has been through. However, it must remain available. If not, I run the risk and injury of becoming hard-hearted.
If my heart were to turn to stone, I’d feel better. For a minute – but I’d miss all the great joys in life, too. The smile on my grandson’s face or hearing the laughter of my own children.
I cannot choose the former!
I’m weary with the pain sometimes. I process with God as fast as I can but my heart is sore. It bleeds with worry for my girls. It tears at the fabric of my hope.
But, I will choose peace – the peace that can only come from a heart undivided. A heart that remains tender and open.
Dear God, I lay this request again at your feet. The deep sorry of witnessing my children’s story of abuse. Help me in all earnest put this to rest.
In Jesus name, Amen.