That’s Because I’m Stupid

Growing up, I can’t remember a time when I was told I was stupid, but I always knew my family thought I was. I was too stupid to create a thought of my own, so they needed to tell me what to think. I was too dumb to figure out pretty much anything, so myContinue reading “That’s Because I’m Stupid”

The Pilgrimage of Prejudice

Another disturbing parcel through this healing journey has been others preconceived opinions of me that are not based on reason or knowledge of my experiences. I’ve learned that ultimately their opinion doesn’t matter, but that took some time. How do folks get so judgmental? The stronger question to me is, “Why do they want toContinue reading “The Pilgrimage of Prejudice”

The Cost of Healing Delayed

As I tell my story, I have people tell me theirs. Often they add, “I know there is abuse in my past, but I’m not going there.” I think the commonly-held-belief is, that if the secret stays hidden, it will cost nothing to hide. This is downright wrong. The cost is vast and more expensiveContinue reading “The Cost of Healing Delayed”

A Moral to the Story

I believe it doesn’t matter what standing looks like. I’ve learned to just stand. It’d be great if peace always stood with me, but that sometimes is not possible. I’ve had to toughen up through this healing process. I believe it’s the kind of growth that’s required. To be clear, this isn’t a protection thatContinue reading “A Moral to the Story”

Unadulterated Wickedness

In my early 20s, the adult children in my family (with my mother as a supposed ally) confronted our father about the pervasive sexual abuse he had perpetrated. But for the slow aide in the healing process, this did very little to rid us of his evil or my mother’s. After this family meeting, myContinue reading “Unadulterated Wickedness”

I’m Tired

I’m tired of telling the truth. I’m tired of looking back. I am tired of the struggle. It’s been such a heavy burden. I picked up this backpack and I’ve been carrying it around since I was about four. It’s a cool backpack with compartments everywhere, some of which are even hidden. One pocket hasContinue reading “I’m Tired”

Xactly! You’re Not My Family

Reading this now, it seems pathetic. At the time I wrote it, I was desperate. I’m not sure what I was begging for, but I was going to the wrong source. He answered my email with some bullshit reply about going back to “an old line church” so I wouldn’t be so miserable. Here’s myContinue reading “Xactly! You’re Not My Family”

C-PTSD ~The Cost of Childhood Trauma

I turned 56 this July. My daughter bought me a book titled, The Complex PTDS Workbook, A Mind-Body Approach to Regaining Emotional Control & Becoming Whole by Arielle Schwartz, PhD. Another to add to my vast collection of recovery books like Judith Herman’s book Trauma and Recovery and the greatest book to hit the shelves,Continue reading “C-PTSD ~The Cost of Childhood Trauma”