Mocking the Despair of the Innocent

I have often wondered if God is guilty of neglecting me? What sin did I do to cause the abuse and pain that was shot into my life when I was born? What atrocity had I done, when at 18, I married a man to find freedom from my prison – only to receive anotherContinue reading “Mocking the Despair of the Innocent”

Vain & Empty Success

When I was a teenager, I heard the other girls talking about what kind of house they would live in, if it would have a fence or not and when they thought they’d be married. I had no such notions. I just needed to get out of my parents’ home alive. All through the years,Continue reading “Vain & Empty Success”

A Noose Around My Neck

Suicide is a funny gift I used to analyze from time to time. It seemed to me a reckoning that my soul longed for. I’m not sure why that is but I knew I had an agonizing pain and I wanted it to stop at all costs. Seemed to me that death would end itContinue reading “A Noose Around My Neck”

The Gift Waiting, When I Used My Voice

When I first began talking about my past, I was envious of those who did wrong in my life. It felt like they had all the power and I had none. Their schemes were being played out right before my very eyes. My words, my Truth, did not seem to deter them. They were prosperousContinue reading “The Gift Waiting, When I Used My Voice”

That’s Because I’m Stupid

Growing up, I can’t remember a time when I was told I was stupid, but I always knew my family thought I was. I was too stupid to create a thought of my own, so they needed to tell me what to think. I was too dumb to figure out pretty much anything, so myContinue reading “That’s Because I’m Stupid”

The Pilgrimage of Prejudice

Another disturbing parcel through this healing journey has been others preconceived opinions of me that are not based on reason or knowledge of my experiences. I’ve learned that ultimately their opinion doesn’t matter, but that took some time. How do folks get so judgmental? The stronger question to me is, “Why do they want toContinue reading “The Pilgrimage of Prejudice”

The Cost of Healing Delayed

As I tell my story, I have people tell me theirs. Often they add, “I know there is abuse in my past, but I’m not going there.” I think the commonly-held-belief is, that if the secret stays hidden, it will cost nothing to hide. This is downright wrong. The cost is vast and more expensiveContinue reading “The Cost of Healing Delayed”

A Moral to the Story

I believe it doesn’t matter what standing looks like. I’ve learned to just stand. It’d be great if peace always stood with me, but that sometimes is not possible. I’ve had to toughen up through this healing process. I believe it’s the kind of growth that’s required. To be clear, this isn’t a protection thatContinue reading “A Moral to the Story”

Unadulterated Wickedness

In my early 20s, the adult children in my family (with my mother as a supposed ally) confronted our father about the pervasive sexual abuse he had perpetrated. But for the slow aide in the healing process, this did very little to rid us of his evil or my mother’s. After this family meeting, myContinue reading “Unadulterated Wickedness”

I’m Tired

I’m tired of telling the truth. I’m tired of looking back. I am tired of the struggle. It’s been such a heavy burden. I picked up this backpack and I’ve been carrying it around since I was about four. It’s a cool backpack with compartments everywhere, some of which are even hidden. One pocket hasContinue reading “I’m Tired”