A Noose Around My Neck

Suicide is a funny gift I used to analyze from time to time. It seemed to me a reckoning that my soul longed for. I’m not sure why that is but I knew I had an agonizing pain and I wanted it to stop at all costs. Seemed to me that death would end itContinue reading “A Noose Around My Neck”

The Cost of Healing Delayed

As I tell my story, I have people tell me theirs. Often they add, “I know there is abuse in my past, but I’m not going there.” I think the commonly-held-belief is, that if the secret stays hidden, it will cost nothing to hide. This is downright wrong. The cost is vast and more expensiveContinue reading “The Cost of Healing Delayed”

Wailing was Forbidden

After we moved from our home on Delaware Lane, I don’t remember crying. Well, the time I was bit in the face by our Doberman Pinscher, I cried. And, the time my mother left me at home all by myself – I cried then, too. What I am talking about are the tears that drainedContinue reading “Wailing was Forbidden”

Unhealed Wounds

I wish I could give a bracelet of love to every human being that needs one. Some of us came from a territory that had no love in it. Unkept. Unwanted. Unloved. I wish I could just have kept the past hidden, away from the world’s view and, more importantly, away from my own view.Continue reading “Unhealed Wounds”

Scars of Dichotomies

A dichotomy is a¬†difference between two completely opposite ideas or things. Growing up with incest in my home bred this constantly. A parent is supposed to love, support and protect. Mine did the very opposite. A parent should teach guidance about protecting your body against sexual advances from strangers. Ah, clearly, they took advantage ofContinue reading “Scars of Dichotomies”

Discretionary Fools

At their own peril, predators believe that their lies will be kept hidden forever. One of the vilest results of sexual abuse is how it deceives and confuses those who are victims, as well as those who are perpetrators or silent witnesses. It deadens the ability to discern good from evil. It confuses the mindContinue reading “Discretionary Fools”

Beautiful Decay

My mind was a suspicious, surprising tool. In my early years, it spent all its time hiding away my family secrets and blending in other, more palatable scenes in order to survive. This Kenny Rogers song reminds me of that: Daytime Friends Daytime friends and nighttime lovers. Hoping no one else discovers. Where they go,Continue reading “Beautiful Decay”

Wailing was Forbidden

After we moved from our home on Delaware Lane, I don’t remember crying. Well, the time I was bit in the face by our Doberman Pinscher, I cried. And, the time my mother left me at home all by myself – I cried then, too. What I am talking about are the tears that drainedContinue reading “Wailing was Forbidden”

Mocking the Despair of the Innocent

I have often wondered if God is guilty of neglecting me? What sin did I do to cause the abuse and pain that was shot into my life when I was born? What atrocity had I done, when at 18, I married a man to find freedom from my prison – only to receive anotherContinue reading “Mocking the Despair of the Innocent”