You Didn’t Do Anything Wrong

Don’t children often blame themselves? Coming through abuse I not only blamed myself, but surmised I wasn’t worth very much. I couldn’t be and be treated the way I was treated. What value did I have? Very little. Was I valued because I was born? Did I find worth in my parents’ eyes because IContinue reading “You Didn’t Do Anything Wrong”

Diving for Memories

Memories for the abused are unwanted. In conversation, the goal is to listen to the person I’m talking with. People love sharing their stories and I’m a good listener. My memories aren’t worth being shared. A pretender I am not. Fishing through the past I could throw away all the burdensome darkness or I couldContinue reading “Diving for Memories”

Misguided & Gilded

As she went she whispered to herself, “O Shepherd, when you said that Love and pain go together, how truly you spoke.” Hinds feet on high places, hannah hurmard An elegant gilded love triangle is built between abused children and their predators. If this abuser was or is your parent, that love triangle is an evenContinue reading “Misguided & Gilded”

The Persuasion of the Guilty

Abusers have such a gift to persuade. Their invasiveness seems so genuine. Like an offering of love. But, their trickery is disguised and you should avoid it like the plague. I could have a sense of love and belonging to the family I came through. It would only cost me my integrity and I’d haveContinue reading “The Persuasion of the Guilty”

A Stream of Confusion

Skipping rope as child has its fun and it has the brittle failure that will happen when your foot stops the rope. For every action there is a reaction, right? When children are sexually abused nothing makes sense anymore and I do mean nothing. When your father or mother crosses the barrier of protection andContinue reading “A Stream of Confusion”

Mighty Foes

We leave our abusers kicking and screaming. Why is that? Shouldn’t we want to run away as fast as we can? We glorify them in our minds and say the sexual abuse was sustainable – it really wasn’t that bad. If it was family, we take it a step further and go underground so weContinue reading “Mighty Foes”

A “Childless” Child

No child lived within me after the age of 3. I was grown by then. Given over fully to a life of survival. I don’t remember what act brought me to the threshold of the death of my inner child. Was it the death of a stranger I’d witnessed or was it the sexual assaultContinue reading “A “Childless” Child”

An Avalanche of Fear

Fear seldom walks with me today, but yesterday it was all I knew. The message that is left embedded in your soul coming through childhood trauma is fear. Fear of being hurt. Fear of trusting. Fear of the unknown and fear of the known. But, fear is a liar. I used to believe that myContinue reading “An Avalanche of Fear”