Jaded ~ There are Two Sides of Depression

I wasn’t the depressed guy that stayed in bed all day, let their house fall apart around them, and never did the dishes. That just wasn’t me. I falsely believed that because I went constantly, I wasn’t depressed. When questioned by my counselor if I was depressed, I’d say an emphatic no. I wasn’t theContinue reading “Jaded ~ There are Two Sides of Depression”

Deliver Me

We don’t use this phrase often, but the bible does. The word deliver is a verb and means, provide (something promised or expected). I needed to be delivered from so many things. An abusive childhood, an awful marriage, addiction, depression, fear — I could go on and on. I needed deliverance. DELIVERANCE, n. 1. the actionContinue reading “Deliver Me”

Shame

Defined as: noun verb Victims of incest or childhood sexual crimes live under the scrutiny of shame. The question is: Where was this first imposed on the child? When you are two or three years old, how can you consciously do wrong? Isn’t the truth that we are taught wrong? What four year old walkedContinue reading “Shame”

A Tender Reed

The bible tells us a “tender reed will not be broken.” In my childhood, I was — broken. How do you give what you have never received? My children were born to a mother who had never seen tenderness. Cruelty was the character that ruled my life. How then was I to know what kindnessContinue reading “A Tender Reed”

A Spark of Fire

A Spark of fire, a moment to live,This is all I ask to survive, I can’t breathe, I cannot think, I need peace and quiet,A spark of fire, a moment to live. As time passes by and my abuse grows in the distance, the pain lingers still, I have a hard time focusing. I needContinue reading “A Spark of Fire”

What is Joy?

How do joy and happiness look the same? How do they look different? I’ve always wondered this question. Then, I ran into some words by C.S. Lewis. My favorite guy! In his autobiography, Surprised by Joy, he tells of experiencing an other-worldly joy — in three distinct episodes. The reader who finds these three episodesContinue reading “What is Joy?”

A Noose Around My Neck

Suicide is a funny gift I used to analyze from time to time. It seemed to me a reckoning that my soul longed for. I’m not sure why that is but I knew I had an agonizing pain and I wanted it to stop at all costs. Seemed to me that death would end itContinue reading “A Noose Around My Neck”

Slashed Wrists

Suicide was such a prevalent enemy that was with me as I traversed the waters of growing up in treacherous abuse. As a child in a home of such control, there was no way to even consider attempting suicide. That, too, would not have been allowed. It’s strange how such powerful control takes over everyContinue reading “Slashed Wrists”

A Noose Around My Neck

Suicide is a funny gift I used to analyze from time to time. It seemed to me a reckoning that my soul longed for. I’m not sure why that is but I knew I had an agonizing pain and I wanted it to stop at all costs. Seemed to me that death would end itContinue reading “A Noose Around My Neck”

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