Protect Yourself

So many people around me go back into their buckets from childhood and gather strength. When feeling rejected, they go back and grab a memory of a mother’s love or a father’s deep concern. When they feel picked on, they recall words from a loving parent teaching them the ropes. Not so in my case.Continue reading “Protect Yourself”

Operation Storm

You want to get mad? Get mad at what happened to you. You want to let your anger out? Get mad at what happened to you. Do you want to scream at the person that just disrespected you? Instead, get mad at what happened to you. Do you want to crawl into bed and hide?Continue reading “Operation Storm”

Murder & Mayhem

Chaos creates chaos. Plant a carrot seed and you will grow a carrot. Why then is it so difficult to understand how hard it is to come through a life of childhood trauma. You don’t just put it away and move on. You either get sucked into denial, become an abuser or work every dayContinue reading “Murder & Mayhem”

Daisies, Daffodils & Doubts

Doubting yourself is such a common theme among abuse survivors. It is not too difficult to understand why. The very foundation of abuse is built upon layers and layers of deceptive lies. A continuous stream of doubt is built into us by the predator’s crafty work. “You aren’t good enough to tell and have someoneContinue reading “Daisies, Daffodils & Doubts”

Too Much, Too Little, Too Late?

Can’t healing just be exhausting? Wasn’t it hard enough just living through chronic abuse? Now we’re being tasked to heal! Oh, brother. It gets old. Doesn’t it? I’ll tell you what gets older than working on healing the past – NOT healing the past. That’s a straight-up train wreck. I’m 57 years old now andContinue reading “Too Much, Too Little, Too Late?”

Defeat Desires

Coming from childhood sexual abuse I brought with me a plethora of desires that I hadn’t conceived. Instead of playing with dolls as a small girl, I found ways to masturbate and manipulate the sexual parts of me. It was what I was taught. Anal curiosity came from sodomy as sure as watching my momContinue reading “Defeat Desires”

Anguish Squelched

When you give voice to your pain it suppresses the output of anguish. What do I mean? The last time I spoke with my mother and oldest sister, I gave words to my anguish. So much so I sounded like a screeching ostrich, I suppose. The next morning, my husband came to me and said, “MaybeContinue reading “Anguish Squelched”

Wickedness Prevails

Doesn’t it seem sometimes that bad people get ahead? Doesn’t it appear that the injustices of this world grow each day instead of diminish? Why is that? I went to my mother and sister last month and asked for their help unearthing the bones of the murdered woman still buried on their property. These twoContinue reading “Wickedness Prevails”