An Empty Mind

When you leave abusive, incestuous homes, not only are you on auto-pilot but your mind becomes vacant and void. I always felt like I merely stumbled from one situation to another. That’s why I held onto relationships at all costs, because I was terrified to be alone. I didn’t trust myself and without my storyContinue reading “An Empty Mind”

Dissociated, Disjointed & Denial

The three D’s of survival. When I watched my father kill tiny kittens on a rough block of wood, I reached into my tool bag and sorted through my survival skills. Which of the three D’s would I use? Any of them could work. When I watched the blood seeping out of one of theContinue reading “Dissociated, Disjointed & Denial”

War on Childhood Crimes

I read an article by Erica Terry titled, Sexual Abuse and the Hidden Children of the Holocaust. From that article, she writes: In fact, the pain of sexual abuse often impacts childhood survivors far greater than other losses and traumas endured during the Holocaust. In a 2006 study, the first of its kind, Professor Rachel Lev-Wiese ofContinue reading “War on Childhood Crimes”

Judgment Day

God is not so unjust to forget these treacherous deeds done in darkness and done in the full spectrum of daylight. He remembers because He was and is our witness. Hear me, Lord, my plea is just;    listen to my cry.Hear my prayer—    it does not rise from deceitful lips.2 Let my vindication come from you;    may your eyes see what isContinue reading “Judgment Day”

A Healing Balm

Incest left a scorched path of intolerable pain that I needed healing for. No amount of reparenting my soul was going to touch that pain. A yoga session was not going to be able to quench the sting of this long-laid plan to destroy parts of me and still the lost integrity to my soul.Continue reading “A Healing Balm”

Wailing was Forbidden

After we moved from our home on Delaware Lane, I don’t remember crying. Well, the time I was bit in the face by our Doberman Pinscher, I cried. And, the time my mother left me at home all by myself – I cried then, too. What I am talking about are the tears that drainedContinue reading “Wailing was Forbidden”

I Didn’t Start This War

Prejudice exists. I’m judged and categorized so often for my upbringing and it gets old. I’d be much more acceptable to them if I didn’t stand by my right to speak. Uncomfortable and unending, the opinions around me fly. Why don’t they be quiet? I didn’t ask them, did I? My battle scars are aContinue reading “I Didn’t Start This War”

Vain & Empty Success

When I was a teenager, I heard the other girls talking about what kind of house they would live in, if it would have a fence or not and when they thought they’d be married. I had no such notions. I just needed to get out of my parents’ home alive. All through the years,Continue reading “Vain & Empty Success”

The Scream of the Brokenhearted

Why do friends and family abandon people who suffer? Some can’t handle the intense environment – they don’t want to be around pain and suffering. It’s too uncomfortable. For others, they have little sympathy and hear everything as whining or victimhood. Cry for your pain, anyway! Wear your suffering on your sleeve until you noContinue reading “The Scream of the Brokenhearted”

A Moral to the Story

I believe it doesn’t matter what standing looks like. I’ve learned to just stand. It’d be great if peace always stood with me, but that sometimes is not possible. I’ve had to toughen up through this healing process. I believe it’s the kind of growth that’s required. To be clear, this isn’t a protection thatContinue reading “A Moral to the Story”