Run Alongside

Side stepping emotions never works. The eruption of thought most often ends with feeling — at least for me. Expressing emotion can be frustrating. Recalling a traumatic time can be thought about for years. Applying emotion to that thought may never happen. When it does happen, healing occurs and that thought will begin to dissipateContinue reading “Run Alongside”

A Death Certificate

A certificate is an official document attesting a certain fact. Last night as I was falling asleep, I cried and chatted with the Lord. I conferred with Him that because the murdered woman in the ground has never been given a death certificate, I haven’t been able to grieve properly. I saw myself uncovering herContinue reading “A Death Certificate”

Bonds with Mayhem

Legally speaking,┬ámayhem┬árefers to the gruesome crime of deliberately causing an injury that permanently disfigures another. Deliberately causing injury. These are the people I grew up with. It’s no stretch of the imagination to understand why I then picked this same bred to create new bonds with. It’s all I knew. Oh, I was bonded withContinue reading “Bonds with Mayhem”

Echo of Hope

In Psalms 10, David is talking about an arrogant and wicked person. He says: His mouth is full of lies and threats;    trouble and evil are under his tongue.8 He lies in wait near the villages;    from ambush he murders the innocent.His eyes watch in secret for his victims;9     like a lion in cover he lies in wait.He lies in waitContinue reading “Echo of Hope”

D E A T H

And, despair. My childhood was plagued with signs of it. Beyond my reoccurring nightmare of my father raping a woman, I did many other strange things trying to work out this mysterious puzzle that I hid inside me. Trauma takes on funny ways of revealing itself when it is outside of your mind’s eye. TheContinue reading “D E A T H”

Just Hold On

Sometimes the only strength I had left in my being was just the ability to get through one more day. So, that’s just what I did. I held on for one more day. When I was going through the memories of the murder through nightmares, flashbacks, and work with my counselor, I lived in aContinue reading “Just Hold On”

Mocking the Despair of the Innocent

I have often wondered if God is guilty of neglecting me? What sin did I do to cause the abuse and pain that was shot into my life when I was born? What atrocity had I done, when at 18, I married a man to find freedom from my prison – only to receive anotherContinue reading “Mocking the Despair of the Innocent”

What’s a Diagnosis Have to Do With It?

Sure, they’re needed for insurance companies to foot the bill of counseling but I certainly didn’t need one nor do I want one. From the book The Body Keeps the Score, Chapter 9: What’s Love Got to Do with It: “The first serious attempt to create a systematic manual of psychiatric diagnoses occurred in 1980,Continue reading “What’s a Diagnosis Have to Do With It?”

Xactly! You’re Not My Family

Reading this now, it seems pathetic. At the time I wrote it, I was desperate. I’m not sure what I was begging for, but I was going to the wrong source. He answered my email with some bullshit reply about going back to “an old line church” so I wouldn’t be so miserable. Here’s myContinue reading “Xactly! You’re Not My Family”