A Death Certificate

A certificate is an official document attesting a certain fact. Last night as I was falling asleep, I cried and chatted with the Lord. I conferred with Him that because the murdered woman in the ground has never been given a death certificate, I haven’t been able to grieve properly. I saw myself uncovering herContinue reading “A Death Certificate”

Bonds with Mayhem

Legally speaking,┬ámayhem┬árefers to the gruesome crime of deliberately causing an injury that permanently disfigures another. Deliberately causing injury. These are the people I grew up with. It’s no stretch of the imagination to understand why I then picked this same bred to create new bonds with. It’s all I knew. Oh, I was bonded withContinue reading “Bonds with Mayhem”

Echo of Hope

In Psalms 10, David is talking about an arrogant and wicked person. He says: His mouth is full of lies and threats;    trouble and evil are under his tongue.8 He lies in wait near the villages;    from ambush he murders the innocent.His eyes watch in secret for his victims;9     like a lion in cover he lies in wait.He lies in waitContinue reading “Echo of Hope”

D E A T H

And, despair. My childhood was plagued with signs of it. Beyond my reoccurring nightmare of my father raping a woman, I did many other strange things trying to work out this mysterious puzzle that I hid inside me. Trauma takes on funny ways of revealing itself when it is outside of your mind’s eye. TheContinue reading “D E A T H”

Just Hold On

Sometimes the only strength I had left in my being was just the ability to get through one more day. So, that’s just what I did. I held on for one more day. When I was going through the memories of the murder through nightmares, flashbacks, and work with my counselor, I lived in aContinue reading “Just Hold On”

Mocking the Despair of the Innocent

I have often wondered if God is guilty of neglecting me? What sin did I do to cause the abuse and pain that was shot into my life when I was born? What atrocity had I done, when at 18, I married a man to find freedom from my prison – only to receive anotherContinue reading “Mocking the Despair of the Innocent”

What’s a Diagnosis Have to Do With It?

Sure, they’re needed for insurance companies to foot the bill of counseling but I certainly didn’t need one nor do I want one. From the book The Body Keeps the Score, Chapter 9: What’s Love Got to Do with It: “The first serious attempt to create a systematic manual of psychiatric diagnoses occurred in 1980,Continue reading “What’s a Diagnosis Have to Do With It?”

Xactly! You’re Not My Family

Reading this now, it seems pathetic. At the time I wrote it, I was desperate. I’m not sure what I was begging for, but I was going to the wrong source. He answered my email with some bullshit reply about going back to “an old line church” so I wouldn’t be so miserable. Here’s myContinue reading “Xactly! You’re Not My Family”