Cushioned with Belief

Fear of speaking about the atrocities perpetrated against me was a very real thing. Telling about the murder I witnessed was terrifying for years. Recalling the betrayal of my parents was almost surreal, as it carried with it an intense irrational reality. My faith in God it what has sustained me with strength, dignity andContinue reading “Cushioned with Belief”

Bleeding & Thirsty

My entire childhood was riddled and racked with painful events. I’m ok now and ready to take down this beast of incest. It’s been hiding and hanging around for centuries. I’m all done letting it hide. This beast gains strength in the silence of its victims. I see it time and time again. Victims ofContinue reading “Bleeding & Thirsty”

Gracious Gratitude

I shouldn’t be who I am. That’s one of the kindness gifts my counselor gave to me. He believed in me, until I believed in myself. I am so very grateful for all the work I’ve put in to changing the destiny my parents offered me. It’s taken a lot of forgiveness. That forgiveness hasn’tContinue reading “Gracious Gratitude”

Hope Springs Eternal

I had a ghastly beginning. I can’t know why and I just don’t ask that question any longer. The English poet Alexander Pope wrote, “Hope springs eternal in the human breast: Man never is, but always to be blest.” My sights are on eternity. How to get there and where I’m going is easy, thatContinue reading “Hope Springs Eternal”

A Casual Critic

When will my internal dialogue be good to me? If I spoke to others the way I sometimes speak to myself, I wouldn’t have very many friends. Do I call others fat? Do I tell other people they’re not good enough? How many times have I questioned the validity of another person’s dreams, hopes andContinue reading “A Casual Critic”

An Empty Mind

When you leave abusive, incestuous homes, not only are you on auto-pilot but your mind becomes vacant and void. I always felt like I merely stumbled from one situation to another. That’s why I held onto relationships at all costs, because I was terrified to be alone. I didn’t trust myself and without my storyContinue reading “An Empty Mind”

Useless

Going back and asking your abusers to help you is about as much good as a wet match. I witnessed a murder. I watched a woman leave this planet. She took her last breathe while I was watching. That’s a wretched thing to leave undone. As I’ve written, my father’s best friend at the time,Continue reading “Useless”

Scars of Dichotomies

A dichotomy is a difference between two completely opposite ideas or things. Growing up with incest in my home bred this constantly. A parent is supposed to love, support and protect. Mine did the very opposite. A parent should teach guidance about protecting your body against sexual advances from strangers. Ah, clearly, they took advantage ofContinue reading “Scars of Dichotomies”

Collusion

I think we all would like to believe we are no longer in collusion with our abusers. That can only be true when we’ve stopped the secretive cooperation with them. This deceitful agreement we have with them keeps us quiet. I knew when I was no longer in collusion with my family. It was whenContinue reading “Collusion”