An Empty Mind

When you leave abusive, incestuous homes, not only are you on auto-pilot but your mind becomes vacant and void. I always felt like I merely stumbled from one situation to another. That’s why I held onto relationships at all costs, because I was terrified to be alone. I didn’t trust myself and without my storyContinue reading “An Empty Mind”

Useless

Going back and asking your abusers to help you is about as much good as a wet match. I witnessed a murder. I watched a woman leave this planet. She took her last breathe while I was watching. That’s a wretched thing to leave undone. As I’ve written, my father’s best friend at the time,Continue reading “Useless”

Scars of Dichotomies

A dichotomy is a¬†difference between two completely opposite ideas or things. Growing up with incest in my home bred this constantly. A parent is supposed to love, support and protect. Mine did the very opposite. A parent should teach guidance about protecting your body against sexual advances from strangers. Ah, clearly, they took advantage ofContinue reading “Scars of Dichotomies”

Collusion

I think we all would like to believe we are no longer in collusion with our abusers. That can only be true when we’ve stopped the secretive cooperation with them. This deceitful agreement we have with them keeps us quiet. I knew when I was no longer in collusion with my family. It was whenContinue reading “Collusion”

Insanity or Clarity?

As a child, I had very little independent thinking outside of my father. My abuse started when I was so small, that it was as if I had become a solider in my father’s army. Enlisted without cause and disabled of any independence. There were no Saturday morning cartoons in our house that I canContinue reading “Insanity or Clarity?”

Take Courage!

Keep me safe, Oh God for in you I take refuge. psalms 16:1 I haven’t always been this brave. Brave enough to tell my story, that is. As I matter of fact I have failed more years that I have been successful at it. Maybe that’s what bravery is all about. Doing something even whenContinue reading “Take Courage!”

A Well Crafted Escape

One didn’t exist for me. The longer the abuse lasted in my life, the more I would try to detail what an escape from my parents would look like. A bullet in my mother’s head? That would stop her. I fantasized about tying my dad up, bringing him into his bathroom and placing him onContinue reading “A Well Crafted Escape”

Discipline, A Catalyst for Change

I hated discipline. Every form of it. Until I learned that disciple is not punishment. Growing up we were punished for every slight infraction we made in my father’s kingdom. If you spoke or behaved inappropriately, a leather belt was waiting to connect to your raw skin. If you didn’t wash the dishes just rightContinue reading “Discipline, A Catalyst for Change”

Gluttons for Perversion

If we were to face the facts of childhood rape and molestation, it is perversion in the purest form. Predators of all kinds like the power they take when they possess another human being’s body to mutilate it for their own perverse pleasures. This should not be watered down. It is the epitome of theContinue reading “Gluttons for Perversion”