Space in Eternity

Growing up I had very little of my own space. Someone or something was always in it! The abuse I suffered encroached into everything. Space was a commodity I didn’t have. If I wasn’t being sexually abused, my being was forced to gorge on the aftermath. Inside and outside my space had become the playgroundContinue reading “Space in Eternity”

A Gift of Righteousness

Clean and unclean. What does that really mean? Am I unclean because of the rapes and sexual assaults on my body? Can the act of another person relegate me to a life that is not worth anything? A life that is lowly and unclean? Absolutely not! The crimes that don’t come out of an actContinue reading “A Gift of Righteousness”

Regaining Your Experience

Don’t talk. Don’t tell. Don’t remember. This seems to be a constant reminder to adult’s who have experienced childhood trauma. They want to let their abusers live out their lives unnoticed or unaffected by their crimes. This saddens me deeply. The only way to regain those parts of ourselves that were stolen by the perpetratorsContinue reading “Regaining Your Experience”

Curses & Betrayals

I had a presumptive contract with my parents when I was born to them. I had to trust them as I came into their world, I had no choice. Betrayal started at the moment I took my first breath into this world or maybe it started before I came out of my mother’s womb? IfContinue reading “Curses & Betrayals”

Squirming with Worry

I’ve been worrying lately. My worry is not around world issues but the turmoil of my past. When does it end? My mother is a very dark woman. I was reading today in Isaiah about the fall of Babylon. These words reminded me of my mother’s deliberate scheming: “Now then, listen, you lover of pleasure,    loungingContinue reading “Squirming with Worry”

The Juniper Berries of Pain

The juniper berry is more like a small pine cone than a fruit. In fact, the juniper berry is not a fruit at all, but rather a type of bitter/citrus tasting spice. The berries have anti-inflammatory properties that are ideal for relieving pain and inflammation related to rheumatism and arthritis. Healing is very much like a bitter tonic.Continue reading “The Juniper Berries of Pain”

Red Sky

Red sky at night, sailors’ delight. Red sky at morning, sailors take warning. Just as the sky dictates the weather, so it is with life. It’s been easy to follow my memories as they return to me because my life story was evident all around me. Anger was my father’s finest friend; betrayal of all thatContinue reading “Red Sky”

Comparison is Ugly

As a child, my mother would take baths in front of me. I don’t remember her exact words but she was comparing my three year old body to hers. She was sexy and beautiful, I was not. I knew she wanted me to think of her as some kind of goddess. When I was grown,Continue reading “Comparison is Ugly”

Gorged on Intelligence

“Brilliant!” We all like to claim. What I’ve learned is that knowledge without wisdom is useless. Gathering information like squirrels gather nuts, we all run around trying to protect ourselves with it. Our stomachs are bloated with knowledge and our souls are sick from lack of rest. “Learn more about your pain, do more self-care,Continue reading “Gorged on Intelligence”