The Death of My Inner Child

There has been a lot recovery work around finding and healing your inner child. If you give it a quick Google search you get about 22,500,000 returns. I was probably five or six when my dad decided that we had too many cats in the world and he needed to rid us from the burdenContinue reading “The Death of My Inner Child”

The Stench of Guilt

The problem with sexual abuse and crimes that are perpetrated by family members is that most of their victims take the responsibility for the action of that member. This should not be! I had a dream last night that I was driving in a truck with my father (now deceased) and the other man whoContinue reading “The Stench of Guilt”

Disabled By My Abilities

I have endured too much abuse at the hands of others because of my dissociative behaviors. Let me explain. “Dissociation means simultaneously knowing and not knowing.” Body keeps the score, VAN der kolk, m.d., page 121 You read that right. “When you don’t feel real nothing matters, which makes it impossible to protect yourself fromContinue reading “Disabled By My Abilities”

The Well of My Soul

I believe that God saw that I was unloved as a child. That’s why He found me. The well of my tiny soul had no water and my eyes gave no light. Then, I met Him. In my room at the age of three, pegged against a wall of suffering, waiting for my body toContinue reading “The Well of My Soul”

The Frailty of Being Human

I’m not here to write only about the part of my journey where I overcame everything and I now live fully victorious. If I wrote like that, I’d be lying. Does Nirvana really exist? I don’t think so. If it did, I don’t want it. I ordered Massaman Curry today. It was a dish myContinue reading “The Frailty of Being Human”

Heart or Head Issue?

Did I need my head repaired through cognitive resources or was it more important for my heart to heal? I don’t know if Jesus is in the business of mental health but I’m certain that He heals the brokenhearted and sets free the captive. I know this because I didn’t need my brain fixed, IContinue reading “Heart or Head Issue?”

Lackadaisical

Isn’t this the opposite of being vigilant? I don’t think I’ve ever known how to just rest in life. Being carelessly lazy isn’t something I had the luxury of knowing. Oh, I have lacked enthusiasm but not determination. Almost before I remember anything else in life, I remember the will to live. It was etchedContinue reading “Lackadaisical”

A Praecipe of Danger

A praecipe is an order requesting a writ or other legal document. I wrote to the prosecutor’s office requesting a search warrant to go unearth the human remains of the murdered woman. They denied my request and sent me back to the Vancouver Police Department (VPD). I was devastated but decided to write to theContinue reading “A Praecipe of Danger”