Courage and the Coward

My father was a small man that lived like a giant. His wife adored him. I was their youngest child. Together they built a world that few ever saw into – except their children. The saddest part is that many of their children didn’t have the courage to fully look either. What is the differenceContinue reading “Courage and the Coward”

I Didn’t Start This War

Prejudice exists. I’m judged and categorized so often for my upbringing and it gets old. I’d be much more acceptable to them if I didn’t stand by my right to speak. Uncomfortable and unending, the opinions around me fly. Why don’t they be quiet? I didn’t ask them, did I? My battle scars are aContinue reading “I Didn’t Start This War”

How I Learned to See Myself

I never felt worthy of looking at me. I was taught that was a part of selfishness. No one stopped and asked me anything and that further my preoccupation with those around me. I was taught only to look at others. That’s a pretty dismal existence. I didn’t realize that was setting me up toContinue reading “How I Learned to See Myself”

The Poisoned Tongue of Deception

Incest is born and then covered up. It’s what makes the territory so treacherous to walk out of. My parents feared my voice. I could ruin them with it. So, they hide me in their lies. They told me time and time again I would be unable to withstand them and tell the truth. NoContinue reading “The Poisoned Tongue of Deception”

I’m Sorry They Won’t Listen

Everyone around me gets the privilege of recalling & telling childhood memories – except for me. Everyone reminisces about the stuff that made them who they are – except, I can’t. I’m sorry they won’t allow me to share my stuff. It made me who I am – except, I can’t share that part. TheyContinue reading “I’m Sorry They Won’t Listen”

Vain & Empty Success

When I was a teenager, I heard the other girls talking about what kind of house they would live in, if it would have a fence or not and when they thought they’d be married. I had no such notions. I just needed to get out of my parents’ home alive. All through the years,Continue reading “Vain & Empty Success”

The Fermented Juice of Jealousy

I don’t understand how an adult can have jealousy towards love given to a child. Of course, I believe that homes of incest don’t really offer love either. Nonetheless, my mother was desperately jealous of any time my father gave to me. How sick and wrong is that? Jealousy is a curse that was bornContinue reading “The Fermented Juice of Jealousy”

An Appetite for Change

Healing takes a mindset of growth. As a seed becomes a plant, there is visible change. The same was true in my life. The more I healed, the more everything starting to look just a little bit different. Many of my relationships in life took drastic turns: from the men I dated, to the peopleContinue reading “An Appetite for Change”

A Noose Around My Neck

Suicide is a funny gift I used to analyze from time to time. It seemed to me a reckoning that my soul longed for. I’m not sure why that is but I knew I had an agonizing pain and I wanted it to stop at all costs. Seemed to me that death would end itContinue reading “A Noose Around My Neck”

Sorrow is Better than Laughter

because a sad face is good for the heart. Ecclesiastes 7:3. My youngest daughter told me last night her desire to reach her pain; the pain of yet another story of incest. I had to go to bed and cry. She is my baby girl. Could there not be one thing that was scarred fromContinue reading “Sorrow is Better than Laughter”