Courage to Catch the Contagion

Just as laughter is contagious, so is healing. I’m leaving a home I’ve lived in for 12 years. The person I was when I moved into this house is almost no longer with me. I was scared, lonely, confused and angry. I knew pieces of my story, but not all of it. I was chattingContinue reading “Courage to Catch the Contagion”

A Pierced Heart

It’s tragic to watch the heart of the innocent long for the protection and love of their abusers. Tragedy lives in the soul of those that cannot break free from this. This feeling is not love, but darkness. This kind of darkness pierces your heart and doesn’t let go. It wants to drain the lifeContinue reading “A Pierced Heart”

Living Water

I’ve written before about the many gifts my father gave me as a child. The spirit of religion happened to be one of those. He took my virginity and taught me about his god. His god was cruel, inflicted judgment and pain, and constantly gave me rules I couldn’t or wouldn’t want to follow. IncestContinue reading “Living Water”

A Noose Around My Neck

Suicide is a funny gift I used to analyze from time to time. It seemed to me a reckoning that my soul longed for. I’m not sure why that is but I knew I had an agonizing pain and I wanted it to stop at all costs. Seemed to me that death would end itContinue reading “A Noose Around My Neck”

An Avalanche of Fear

Fear seldom walks with me today, but yesterday it was all I knew. The message that is left embedded in your soul coming through childhood trauma is fear. Fear of being hurt. Fear of trusting. Fear of the unknown and fear of the known. But, fear is a liar. I used to believe that myContinue reading “An Avalanche of Fear”

Fear of Discovery

“I’m so thankful that experience happened to you, and not me,” is the thought process of most people that happen upon my story. You know why we don’t want to talk about our stories? The fear of discovering our truest self. Our experiences define parts of us, not all of us. I am all tooContinue reading “Fear of Discovery”

The Cost of Healing Delayed

As I tell my story, I have people tell me theirs. Often they add, “I know there is abuse in my past, but I’m not going there.” I think the commonly-held-belief is, that if the secret stays hidden, it will cost nothing to hide. This is downright wrong. The cost is vast and more expensiveContinue reading “The Cost of Healing Delayed”

The Death of My Inner Child

There has been a lot recovery work around finding and healing your inner child. If you give it a quick Google search you get about 22,500,000 returns. I was probably five or six when my dad decided that we had too many cats in the world and he needed to rid us from the burdenContinue reading “The Death of My Inner Child”

The Stench of Guilt

The problem with sexual abuse and crimes that are perpetrated by family members is that most of their victims take the responsibility for the action of that member. This should not be! I had a dream last night that I was driving in a truck with my father (now deceased) and the other man whoContinue reading “The Stench of Guilt”