Courage to Fail

The world seems to tell us to show up all put together, doesn’t it? Tragedies of all kinds demand attention. When we look at our hurts, we’re not okay. If we we are okay seeing our scars, are we really seeing them for what they are? Not being a bystander in my own story causedContinue reading “Courage to Fail”

What is Joy?

How do joy and happiness look the same? How do they look different? I’ve always wondered this question. Then, I ran into some words by C.S. Lewis. My favorite guy! In his autobiography, Surprised by Joy, he tells of experiencing an other-worldly joy — in three distinct episodes. The reader who finds these three episodesContinue reading “What is Joy?”

Casual Affair

Many address childhood trauma as if it were the same as not having a prom date for your high school gala. This couldn’t be farther from the truth and adds insult to injury. There was a prophet in the Old Testament named Jeremiah. I love his words about God’s people who were being set upContinue reading “Casual Affair”

The Clowns of Mockery

“Who are you to tell our story? Incest is a family secret. You have no right to share it.” These are the voices of the clowns that try to impede my path to healing. “You’re fat and you should worry about that! You’re sick because of what you came from; that will never change.” OnContinue reading “The Clowns of Mockery”

Distorted & Displaced

Where is home? What is home? The more I heal, the more I seem to feel displaced. When I lived in the streams of denial, life seemed more pleasant – I think. At least I could pretend. Not pretending can make me feel like a fish out of the ocean. It’s like I was issuedContinue reading “Distorted & Displaced”

Forgive, to Be Forgiven?

Forgiven of what? I owe no debt to the people who abused me. Why then does it feel like I am forced to repay something I didn’t steal? Why do abuse survivors feel the need to hide the dirty secret? Is it for their own protection or is it to protect the abuser? Is silenceContinue reading “Forgive, to Be Forgiven?”

What Will You Choose?

Better a dry crust with peace and quiet, than a house full of feasting, with strife. proverbs 17:1 Incestuous families do not have peace and quiet. Why is it so hard to walk away from these atrocious families? Horrifyingly wicked they hold nothing for us. Yet, we stay. Why? Are we so lonely that weContinue reading “What Will You Choose?”

You Didn’t Do Anything Wrong

Don’t children often blame themselves? Coming through abuse I not only blamed myself, but surmised I wasn’t worth very much. I couldn’t be and be treated the way I was treated. What value did I have? Very little. Was I valued because I was born? Did I find worth in my parents’ eyes because IContinue reading “You Didn’t Do Anything Wrong”

Is Rejection the Real Culprit?

Pain, mercy, abuse – it’s all born out of rejection. When my father was dying he and I had a six-hour conversation. We talked about a lot. I asked him who hadn’t seen his pain. I pushed the question again, saying, “Dad, was it your mother who didn’t see your pain?” He looked down atContinue reading “Is Rejection the Real Culprit?”