Alligators in the Mississippi

Living through all the evil in my childhood should have set me up with a clear vision to see evil as an adult, spot the deceiving way of an abuser and recognize their lies. Right? Wrong! My mind had been poisoned so severely that my vision was skewed and I could not predict a trueContinue reading “Alligators in the Mississippi”

A Spirit of Guilt

Guilt isn’t necessarily a result of something you’ve done wrong. It very well could be a result of something you’ve done right. What do I mean? I’ve told the truth so many times about my family of origin. Their misconduct and brutality has been uncovered. I sometimes carry guilt because of this. I know I’veContinue reading “A Spirit of Guilt”

Bonds with Mayhem

Legally speaking, mayhem refers to the gruesome crime of deliberately causing an injury that permanently disfigures another. Deliberately causing injury. These are the people I grew up with. It’s no stretch of the imagination to understand why I then picked this same bred to create new bonds with. It’s all I knew. Oh, I was bonded withContinue reading “Bonds with Mayhem”

Swimming Upstream

True healing made me feel like a fish out of water. A comfortable coat of denial was what I grew up with; it’s old feelings enveloped me for years. Stepping away from the comfort of making up stories that I could live with only happened when my life stalled time and time again with dysfunctionalContinue reading “Swimming Upstream”

A Gate to Justice

A house with a white picket fence, two kids, a cat, a new car and a dedicated husband of 40 years just wasn’t in the cards for me. I’ve been married four times, have two children, no animals and life full of love. My first husband not only cheated on me every chance he could,Continue reading “A Gate to Justice”

Cushioned with Belief

Fear of speaking about the atrocities perpetrated against me was a very real thing. Telling about the murder I witnessed was terrifying for years. Recalling the betrayal of my parents was almost surreal, as it carried with it an intense irrational reality. My faith in God it what has sustained me with strength, dignity andContinue reading “Cushioned with Belief”

Shame on Society

CHILD ABUSE: OUR NATION’S LARGEST PUBLIC HEALTH PROBLEM The first time I heard Robert Anda present the results of the ACE study, he could not hold back his tears. The Body Keeps The Score, page 148 The Adverse Childhood Experiences Study (ACE Study) is a research study conducted by the U.S. health maintenance organization Kaiser Permanente andContinue reading “Shame on Society”

Hope Springs Eternal

I had a ghastly beginning. I can’t know why and I just don’t ask that question any longer. The English poet Alexander Pope wrote, “Hope springs eternal in the human breast: Man never is, but always to be blest.” My sights are on eternity. How to get there and where I’m going is easy, thatContinue reading “Hope Springs Eternal”

Distorted & Displaced

Where is home? What is home? The more I heal, the more I seem to feel displaced. When I lived in the streams of denial, life seemed more pleasant – I think. At least I could pretend. I don’t pretend today and that makes me feel like a fish out of water. It’s like IContinue reading “Distorted & Displaced”

Stay Comfortable

If this were to be my mantra, I’d never heal. Ever! Stay comfortable no good counselor would suggest. Comfortably numb, skills of denial, disassociation – these are my tools of comfortable. Peace is another thing. Peace is something you gain in the midst of the uncomfortable. But, what does comfortable really mean? The definition ofContinue reading “Stay Comfortable”