Insanity or Clarity?

As a child, I had very little independent thinking outside of my father. My abuse started when I was so small, that it was as if I had become a solider in my father’s army. Enlisted without cause and disabled of any independence. There were no Saturday morning cartoons in our house that I canContinue reading “Insanity or Clarity?”

Chiseled Away By Grief and Unbelief

Wouldn’t healing be easier if I believed all my memories at once? I’d struggle less if I didn’t hold some memories in the case of disbelief. I don’t want to believe they’re true, so I’ll just tuck them away in the cabinet of denial. That works for a little while. Then the memory leaks throughContinue reading “Chiseled Away By Grief and Unbelief”

Gluttons for Perversion

If we were to face the facts of childhood rape and molestation, it is perversion in the purest form. Predators of all kinds like the power they take when they possess another human being’s body to mutilate it for their own perverse pleasures. This should not be watered down. It is the epitome of theContinue reading “Gluttons for Perversion”

Is Hatred Revenge?

Hatred is an intense dislike or ill will. If I came close to hatred in my life, I suppose it would be towards my mother. Maybe not for the vile acts of sexual perversion she brought upon me, but for her deceiving ways. She is much like the sorcerer and false prophet Paul talked aboutContinue reading “Is Hatred Revenge?”

A Treasury of Trust

No deposit was ever made in me as a child from my parents that would have led me to believe in trust. That’s a great big inadequacy in a human being. Another broken spot. Another spec folks find in me and place additional blame and just another place to find no meaning. As I satContinue reading “A Treasury of Trust”

A Soft Heart

When insatiable pain enters my soul, I’m perplexed with indecision. I can run away from it or I can try to devour it and end it’s sting. If I don’t outrun it, then it finds me. If I try to look at it, it overtakes me. These feel like two really bad choices. I hateContinue reading “A Soft Heart”

Courage and the Coward

My father was a small man that lived like a giant. His wife adored him. I was their youngest child. Together they built a world that few ever saw into – except their children. The saddest part is that many of their children didn’t have the courage to fully look either. What is the differenceContinue reading “Courage and the Coward”

Vain & Empty Success

When I was a teenager, I heard the other girls talking about what kind of house they would live in, if it would have a fence or not and when they thought they’d be married. I had no such notions. I just needed to get out of my parents’ home alive. All through the years,Continue reading “Vain & Empty Success”

The Fermented Juice of Jealousy

I don’t understand how an adult can have jealousy towards love given to a child. Of course, I believe that homes of incest don’t really offer love either. Nonetheless, my mother was desperately jealous of any time my father gave to me. How sick and wrong is that? Jealousy is a curse that was bornContinue reading “The Fermented Juice of Jealousy”