Courage to Fail

The world seems to tell us to show up all put together, doesn’t it? Tragedies of all kinds demand attention. When we look at our hurts, we’re not okay. If we we are okay seeing our scars, are we really seeing them for what they are? Not being a bystander in my own story causedContinue reading “Courage to Fail”

A Spark of Fire

A Spark of fire, a moment to live,This is all I ask to survive, I can’t breathe, I cannot think, I need peace and quiet,A spark of fire, a moment to live. As time passes by and my abuse grows in the distance, the pain lingers still, I have a hard time focusing. I needContinue reading “A Spark of Fire”

Casual Affair

Many address childhood trauma as if it were the same as not having a prom date for your high school gala. This couldn’t be farther from the truth and adds insult to injury. There was a prophet in the Old Testament named Jeremiah. I love his words about God’s people who were being set upContinue reading “Casual Affair”

The Clowns of Mockery

“Who are you to tell our story? Incest is a family secret. You have no right to share it.” These are the voices of the clowns that try to impede my path to healing. “You’re fat and you should worry about that! You’re sick because of what you came from; that will never change.” OnContinue reading “The Clowns of Mockery”

Forgive, to Be Forgiven?

Forgiven of what? I owe no debt to the people who abused me. Why then does it feel like I am forced to repay something I didn’t steal? Why do abuse survivors feel the need to hide the dirty secret? Is it for their own protection or is it to protect the abuser? Is silenceContinue reading “Forgive, to Be Forgiven?”

Fiercely Free

My struggle is not what it used to be. It just isn’t. My heart doesn’t camp by the misery as long any more. Am I saying I walk without any pain? Nope. What I am saying is this: I don’t walk with darkness beside me. The little girl that was so unkept and unloved, sheContinue reading “Fiercely Free”

A Puzzle / A Myth

When I shared my story through the eyes of my abusers, my story didn’t add up. I was living a real puzzle. My story buried under the ruble of denial, it had become just a myth. Without the truth beside me, I stayed in bad relationships. With missing pieces of who I was I stayedContinue reading “A Puzzle / A Myth”

You Didn’t Do Anything Wrong

Don’t children often blame themselves? Coming through abuse I not only blamed myself, but surmised I wasn’t worth very much. I couldn’t be and be treated the way I was treated. What value did I have? Very little. Was I valued because I was born? Did I find worth in my parents’ eyes because IContinue reading “You Didn’t Do Anything Wrong”

Abandoned, But Not Forgotten

If I didn’t honor myself by returning to my past, and bringing vindication where I could, I would have been left abandoned. I would have abandoned myself. I had to force myself to remember me. Everything around me told me to stop seeking, stop turning over rocks. “Learn to live,” they would tell me. Didn’tContinue reading “Abandoned, But Not Forgotten”

Glory in the Goal

Redeeming my past is a journey, not a destination. When I have memories return because I have allowed them free reign in my being now, it can be challenging. Successful processing of traumatic memories allows you to say, “The traumatic event happened, it happened to me, and it is over now. The complex ptsd workbook,Continue reading “Glory in the Goal”