Swimming Upstream

True healing made me feel like a fish out of water. A comfortable coat of denial was what I grew up with; it’s old feelings enveloped me for years. Stepping away from the comfort of making up stories that I could live with only happened when my life stalled time and time again with dysfunctionalContinue reading “Swimming Upstream”

A Gate to Justice

A house with a white picket fence, two kids, a cat, a new car and a dedicated husband of 40 years just wasn’t in the cards for me. I’ve been married four times, have two children, no animals and life full of love. My first husband not only cheated on me every chance he could,Continue reading “A Gate to Justice”

With a Cautious Word

When I first began to tell my story, I was fearful. I felt unbelieved. I had no witness to corroborate the crimes I’d lived through. A strange thing began to happen as I talked. People did listen, whether they wanted to or not, my story was being heard. I received a call one day fromContinue reading “With a Cautious Word”

Precious Cargo

In the night hours, sometimes my soul aches for change. Sometimes, now in the night hours, my soul is relieved that I have passed through the worst part of healing. Sometimes in the night hours I soothe myself by crying out to God. Sometimes in the night hours I still feel like that little girlContinue reading “Precious Cargo”

Gracious Gratitude

I shouldn’t be who I am. That’s one of the kindness gifts my counselor gave to me. He believed in me, until I believed in myself. I am so very grateful for all the work I’ve put in to changing the destiny my parents offered me. It’s taken a lot of forgiveness. That forgiveness hasn’tContinue reading “Gracious Gratitude”

Distorted & Displaced

Where is home? What is home? The more I heal, the more I seem to feel displaced. When I lived in the streams of denial, life seemed more pleasant – I think. At least I could pretend. I don’t pretend today and that makes me feel like a fish out of water. It’s like IContinue reading “Distorted & Displaced”

Scope of Judgment

The pursuit of happiness, the hunt to end pain – much of this all can seem meaningless. Does pain end? Is happiness something that is attainable? Why do I waste my words talking about such ugliness? My days on this earth are numbered. I won’t be here forever and I know this is not myContinue reading “Scope of Judgment”

Walking on Gravel

If you’ve ever been barefooted and walked across a course gravel road, you have some understanding of what living with a trauma is all about. I do my very best to overcome the fear and anxiety that riddled my childhood. I read about neurofeedback and it’s wonderful gift to those of us living with PTSD.Continue reading “Walking on Gravel”