Mocking the Despair of the Innocent

I have often wondered if God is guilty of neglecting me? What sin did I do to cause the abuse and pain that was shot into my life when I was born? What atrocity had I done, when at 18, I married a man to find freedom from my prison – only to receive anotherContinue reading “Mocking the Despair of the Innocent”

Courage and the Coward

My father was a small man that lived like a giant. His wife adored him. I was their youngest child. Together they built a world that few ever saw into – except their children. The saddest part is that many of their children didn’t have the courage to fully look either. What is the differenceContinue reading “Courage and the Coward”

How I Learned to See Myself

I never felt worthy of looking at me. I was taught that was a part of selfishness. No one stopped and asked me anything and that further my preoccupation with those around me. I was taught only to look at others. That’s a pretty dismal existence. I didn’t realize that was setting me up toContinue reading “How I Learned to See Myself”

I’m Sorry They Won’t Listen

Everyone around me gets the privilege of recalling & telling childhood memories – except for me. Everyone reminisces about the stuff that made them who they are – except, I can’t. I’m sorry they won’t allow me to share my stuff. It made me who I am – except, I can’t share that part. TheyContinue reading “I’m Sorry They Won’t Listen”

An Appetite for Change

Healing takes a mindset of growth. As a seed becomes a plant, there is visible change. The same was true in my life. The more I healed, the more everything starting to look just a little bit different. Many of my relationships in life took drastic turns: from the men I dated, to the peopleContinue reading “An Appetite for Change”

A Noose Around My Neck

Suicide is a funny gift I used to analyze from time to time. It seemed to me a reckoning that my soul longed for. I’m not sure why that is but I knew I had an agonizing pain and I wanted it to stop at all costs. Seemed to me that death would end itContinue reading “A Noose Around My Neck”

The Scream of the Brokenhearted

Why do friends and family abandon people who suffer? Some can’t handle the intense environment – they don’t want to be around pain and suffering. It’s too uncomfortable. For others, they have little sympathy and hear everything as whining or victimhood. Cry for your pain, anyway! Wear your suffering on your sleeve until you noContinue reading “The Scream of the Brokenhearted”

The Stench of Guilt

The problem with sexual abuse and crimes that are perpetrated by family members is that most of their victims take the responsibility for the action of that member. This should not be! I had a dream last night that I was driving in a truck with my father (now deceased) and the other man whoContinue reading “The Stench of Guilt”

The Rudimentary Need for Evidence

I’ve worked in law firms for over 30 years. I’ve watched cases won, rights be fully restored and Indian casinos opened in return for what was taken. What I have never seen is evidence manufactured. Lack of evidence is a devastating theme in the world of childhood trauma. Whatever the crime, scarcely is there evidenceContinue reading “The Rudimentary Need for Evidence”

Is Rejection the Real Culprit?

Pain, mercy, abuse – it’s all born out of rejection. When my father was dying he and I had a six-hour conversation. We talked about a lot. I asked him who hadn’t seen his pain. I pushed the question again, saying, “Dad, was it your mother who didn’t see your pain?” He looked down atContinue reading “Is Rejection the Real Culprit?”