Vain & Empty Success

When I was a teenager, I heard the other girls talking about what kind of house they would live in, if it would have a fence or not and when they thought they’d be married. I had no such notions. I just needed to get out of my parents’ home alive. All through the years,Continue reading “Vain & Empty Success”

An Appetite for Change

Healing takes a mindset of growth. As a seed becomes a plant, there is visible change. The same was true in my life. The more I healed, the more everything starting to look just a little bit different. Many of my relationships in life took drastic turns: from the men I dated, to the peopleContinue reading “An Appetite for Change”

A Noose Around My Neck

Suicide is a funny gift I used to analyze from time to time. It seemed to me a reckoning that my soul longed for. I’m not sure why that is but I knew I had an agonizing pain and I wanted it to stop at all costs. Seemed to me that death would end itContinue reading “A Noose Around My Neck”

Divisive Schemes of an Abuser

Abuse never stands alone. There are so many complicated areas that abusers weave into the fabric of the perfectly crafted prison cells they make for us. Many of us barely escape, and when we do, we usually never talk about it. The physical barriers may have gone but a wall of shame and secrecy keepsContinue reading “Divisive Schemes of an Abuser”

The Scream of the Brokenhearted

Why do friends and family abandon people who suffer? Some can’t handle the intense environment – they don’t want to be around pain and suffering. It’s too uncomfortable. For others, they have little sympathy and hear everything as whining or victimhood. Cry for your pain, anyway! Wear your suffering on your sleeve until you noContinue reading “The Scream of the Brokenhearted”

Knowing Good from Evil

Growing up in the dysfunction of incest caused so many truths to be unknown to me. When my daughter was about five, she asked me a question that hurt my heart to the core. I was putting her down one night and she said, “Mommy, how will I know when someone is bad? Dad isContinue reading “Knowing Good from Evil”

I Wasn’t Born with Integrity

I had to learn early to just do the next right thing. It wasn’t that easy coming from the territory I came from. My parents’ lessons taught me many things, but integrity, unfortunately, wasn’t among the list. I grew up knowing how to manipulate to get what I needed. That’s what they did. I wasn’tContinue reading “I Wasn’t Born with Integrity”

That’s Because I’m Stupid

Growing up, I can’t remember a time when I was told I was stupid, but I always knew my family thought I was. I was too stupid to create a thought of my own, so they needed to tell me what to think. I was too dumb to figure out pretty much anything, so myContinue reading “That’s Because I’m Stupid”

The Chill of Isolation

As a child and then as an adult, aloneness was my best friend. The world around me was so terribly unsafe, what other conclusion could I draw? What other form of reprieve could I seek? When I was about eight, I created a safe play area in my closet. I turned my shelf over toContinue reading “The Chill of Isolation”

Maggots in My Soul

I was 22 when my memories started to emerge. I had a one-year-old beautiful little girl and had already been married for four years. I sat down one day at the kitchen table when my daughter was taking a nap, picked up a pen and just started to write. “How my soul must have achedContinue reading “Maggots in My Soul”