Dear Mama,

It’s always so interesting to hear our lives from your perspective. How you perceived things in our home and how you perceived yourself. You write that you remember each detail of our bedrooms, everything was accounted for so to speak. But just the other day at dinner you had forgotten that sis and I evenContinue reading “Dear Mama,”

Still Water

Traversing childhood traumatic experiences leaves my soul wandering sometimes. It is as if it took all the stillness out of my being. Relearning? Relearn what? I was never taught anything about stillness. Sure, I had to sit still. I had to be calm for my father, but stillness – internally, you know the thing thatContinue reading “Still Water”

A Noose Around My Neck

Suicide is a funny gift I used to analyze from time to time. It seemed to me a reckoning that my soul longed for. I’m not sure why that is but I knew I had an agonizing pain and I wanted it to stop at all costs. Seemed to me that death would end itContinue reading “A Noose Around My Neck”

The Cost of Healing Delayed

As I tell my story, I have people tell me theirs. Often they add, “I know there is abuse in my past, but I’m not going there.” I think the commonly-held-belief is, that if the secret stays hidden, it will cost nothing to hide. This is downright wrong. The cost is vast and more expensiveContinue reading “The Cost of Healing Delayed”

The Death of My Inner Child

There has been a lot recovery work around finding and healing your inner child. If you give it a quick Google search you get about 22,500,000 returns. I was probably five or six when my dad decided that we had too many cats in the world and he needed to rid us from the burdenContinue reading “The Death of My Inner Child”

Wailing was Forbidden

After we moved from our home on Delaware Lane, I don’t remember crying. Well, the time I was bit in the face by our Doberman Pinscher, I cried. And, the time my mother left me at home all by myself – I cried then, too. What I am talking about are the tears that drainedContinue reading “Wailing was Forbidden”

The Well of My Soul

I believe that God saw that I was unloved as a child. That’s why He found me. The well of my tiny soul had no water and my eyes gave no light. Then, I met Him. In my room at the age of three, pegged against a wall of suffering, waiting for my body toContinue reading “The Well of My Soul”

Heart or Head Issue?

Did I need my head repaired through cognitive resources or was it more important for my heart to heal? I don’t know if Jesus is in the business of mental health but I’m certain that He heals the brokenhearted and sets free the captive. I know this because I didn’t need my brain fixed, IContinue reading “Heart or Head Issue?”

Lackadaisical

Isn’t this the opposite of being vigilant? I don’t think I’ve ever known how to just rest in life. Being carelessly lazy isn’t something I had the luxury of knowing. Oh, I have lacked enthusiasm but not determination. Almost before I remember anything else in life, I remember the will to live. It was etchedContinue reading “Lackadaisical”