Gorged on Intelligence

“Brilliant!” We all like to claim. What I’ve learned is that knowledge without wisdom is useless. Gathering information like squirrels gather nuts, we all run around trying to protect ourselves with it. Our stomachs are bloated with knowledge and our souls are sick from lack of rest. “Learn more about your pain, do more self-care,Continue reading “Gorged on Intelligence”

War on Childhood Crimes

I read an article by Erica Terry titled, Sexual Abuse and the Hidden Children of the Holocaust. From that article, she writes: In fact, the pain of sexual abuse often impacts childhood survivors far greater than other losses and traumas endured during the Holocaust. In a 2006 study, the first of its kind, Professor Rachel Lev-Wiese ofContinue reading “War on Childhood Crimes”

Scars of Dichotomies

A dichotomy is a difference between two completely opposite ideas or things. Growing up with incest in my home bred this constantly. A parent is supposed to love, support and protect. Mine did the very opposite. A parent should teach guidance about protecting your body against sexual advances from strangers. Ah, clearly, they took advantage ofContinue reading “Scars of Dichotomies”

D E A T H

And, despair. My childhood was plagued with signs of it. Beyond my reoccurring nightmare of my father raping a woman, I did many other strange things trying to work out this mysterious puzzle that I hid inside me. Trauma takes on funny ways of revealing itself when it is outside of your mind’s eye. TheContinue reading “D E A T H”

A Healing Balm

Incest left a scorched path of intolerable pain that I needed healing for. No amount of reparenting my soul was going to touch that pain. A yoga session was not going to be able to quench the sting of this long-laid plan to destroy parts of me and still the lost integrity to my soul.Continue reading “A Healing Balm”

Insanity or Clarity?

As a child, I had very little independent thinking outside of my father. My abuse started when I was so small, that it was as if I had become a solider in my father’s army. Enlisted without cause and disabled of any independence. There were no Saturday morning cartoons in our house that I canContinue reading “Insanity or Clarity?”

Discretionary Fools

At their own peril, predators believe that their lies will be kept hidden forever. One of the vilest results of sexual abuse is how it deceives and confuses those who are victims, as well as those who are perpetrators or silent witnesses. It deadens the ability to discern good from evil. It confuses the mindContinue reading “Discretionary Fools”

Faithless Deeds of Darkness

My father took my virginity and he also taught me about god. I’ve obviously struggled a great deal to learn the God of the bible. He is not the god my father knew. In my very early years, my parents were without any form of godliness. After the murder and after we moved into theContinue reading “Faithless Deeds of Darkness”

Chiseled Away By Grief and Unbelief

Wouldn’t healing be easier if I believed all my memories at once? I’d struggle less if I didn’t hold some memories in the case of disbelief. I don’t want to believe they’re true, so I’ll just tuck them away in the cabinet of denial. That works for a little while. Then the memory leaks throughContinue reading “Chiseled Away By Grief and Unbelief”