A Healing Balm

Incest left a scorched path of intolerable pain that I needed healing for. No amount of reparenting my soul was going to touch that pain. A yoga session was not going to be able to quench the sting of this long-laid plan to destroy parts of me and still the lost integrity to my soul.Continue reading “A Healing Balm”

Faithless Deeds of Darkness

My father took my virginity and he also taught me about god. I’ve obviously struggled a great deal to learn the God of the bible. He is not the god my father knew. In my very early years, my parents were without any form of godliness. After the murder and after we moved into theContinue reading “Faithless Deeds of Darkness”

The Shot of Rejection

Abuse, for each one of us, is a burden to carry. The acts perpetrated against us carry a sentence that equates, ultimately, to rejection. My parents continually dismissed me. Their refusal to see me, offer any comfort or love that I needed as a child, left a blueprint that I followed. That path led meContinue reading “The Shot of Rejection”

The Persuasion of Punishment

“Why didn’t you tell somebody if your abuse was so bad?” These clever folks speak to you about something they know nothing of – being a child of severe sexual, physical and psychological abuse. Do they not understand the fear that was instilled into my little being? Not only was my body pierced by theContinue reading “The Persuasion of Punishment”

The Casualties of Having No Comfort

Abuse was the foundation of my suffering. The freeze that kept it steady was the lack of comfort I received. My parents had to be sociopaths of some kind or they would have seen the pain of their children. They would have noticed the night hours I was up in agony. They would have seenContinue reading “The Casualties of Having No Comfort”

I Wasn’t Born Yesterday (circa 1935)

God will always give you enough. That was my grandmother. This picture was taken of her in the early 1920s. She was born Elna Selinda, but later changed her name to Eleanor to remove some of her Finnish upbringing and become more American. It was standard in those days. I loved her so. There’s aContinue reading “I Wasn’t Born Yesterday (circa 1935)”

Am I A Murderer

When I was three and a half years old, I murdered a woman. I spent the next 50 years retracing and recovering bent memories that had long been buried by the great force of denial. I went back and fought to uncover the truth that had been buried on 40 acres, in a sink hole,Continue reading “Am I A Murderer”