When Have I Been Shown Mercy?

Mercy is showing compassion or forgiveness towards someone whom it is within one’s power to punish or harm. Over 20 years ago, my family came as one unit and confronted my father about the incest in our family. After that meeting, my parents contacted the pastor of the church they attended and asked that heContinue reading “When Have I Been Shown Mercy?”

Vain & Empty Success

When I was a teenager, I heard the other girls talking about what kind of house they would live in, if it would have a fence or not and when they thought they’d be married. I had no such notions. I just needed to get out of my parents’ home alive. All through the years,Continue reading “Vain & Empty Success”

My Rampant Heart of Rage

Anger is a necessary part of the healing process. Rage is the master! I can remember time and time again my great counselor advising me to go into the woods with a baseball bat and beat my rage out against the trees. I never took his advice but I probably should have. Instead, I letContinue reading “My Rampant Heart of Rage”

An Appetite for Change

Healing takes a mindset of growth. As a seed becomes a plant, there is visible change. The same was true in my life. The more I healed, the more everything starting to look just a little bit different. Many of my relationships in life took drastic turns: from the men I dated, to the peopleContinue reading “An Appetite for Change”

Sorrow is Better than Laughter

because a sad face is good for the heart. Ecclesiastes 7:3. My youngest daughter told me last night her desire to reach her pain; the pain of yet another story of incest. I had to go to bed and cry. She is my baby girl. Could there not be one thing that was scarred fromContinue reading “Sorrow is Better than Laughter”

The Casualties of Having No Comfort

Abuse was the foundation of my suffering. The freeze that kept it steady was the lack of comfort I received. My parents had to be sociopaths of some kind or they would have seen the pain of their children. They would have noticed the night hours I was up in agony. They would have seenContinue reading “The Casualties of Having No Comfort”

What Was My Reward?

As I tell my story, I’m also listening to the stories of others. A common theme is the need for the abuser’s validation or some form of love that brings a sense of reconciliation. I’m abhorred at that. If God is involved in the situation, I can see His love coming in and helping theContinue reading “What Was My Reward?”

Hurt People Hurt People

Today is my brother’s birthday. I haven’t talked to my brother in so many years I’ve lost count. I sent him a letter years ago telling him I forgave him for raping me. I wrote that I understood coming from a household of incest, shit happens. I never heard back from him. I believe consciousContinue reading “Hurt People Hurt People”