Discouraged and Discarded

I went to the police about the murder and they ultimately discarded the case when my father died. So, the accomplice gets off scot-free and ends his days on earth fulfilling his pleasures. I am so tired. I’m scared to try and resurrect this beast again but I’m going to try. I long to makeContinue reading “Discouraged and Discarded”

An Empty Mind

When you leave abusive, incestuous homes, not only are you on auto-pilot but your mind becomes vacant and void. I always felt like I merely stumbled from one situation to another. That’s why I held onto relationships at all costs, because I was terrified to be alone. I didn’t trust myself and without my storyContinue reading “An Empty Mind”

The Iceberg

Justice seems nowhere. These crimes are committed daily and, for the most part, go unnoticed and unpunished. When victims raise their voice, they are mostly hushed. What happens as a result of society quietly unrecognizing these atrocities is that the victim takes on this added burden and questions what wrong they did. If you findContinue reading “The Iceberg”

Comparison is Ugly

As a child, my mother would take baths in front of me. I don’t remember her exact words but she was comparing my three year old body to hers. She was sexy and beautiful, I was not. I knew she wanted me to think of her as some kind of goddess. When I was grown,Continue reading “Comparison is Ugly”

Scars of Dichotomies

A dichotomy is a difference between two completely opposite ideas or things. Growing up with incest in my home bred this constantly. A parent is supposed to love, support and protect. Mine did the very opposite. A parent should teach guidance about protecting your body against sexual advances from strangers. Ah, clearly, they took advantage ofContinue reading “Scars of Dichotomies”

The Present of Presence

Growing up, I was never present in my body full time. I practiced dissociating when I could to ease the painful, daily experiences in my life. When I wasn’t checking out, I over ate to the point of distraction. Today, I try to live fully aware of my experiences. I’m in touch with my bodyContinue reading “The Present of Presence”

D E A T H

And, despair. My childhood was plagued with signs of it. Beyond my reoccurring nightmare of my father raping a woman, I did many other strange things trying to work out this mysterious puzzle that I hid inside me. Trauma takes on funny ways of revealing itself when it is outside of your mind’s eye. TheContinue reading “D E A T H”

Collusion

I think we all would like to believe we are no longer in collusion with our abusers. That can only be true when we’ve stopped the secretive cooperation with them. This deceitful agreement we have with them keeps us quiet. I knew when I was no longer in collusion with my family. It was whenContinue reading “Collusion”

Insanity or Clarity?

As a child, I had very little independent thinking outside of my father. My abuse started when I was so small, that it was as if I had become a solider in my father’s army. Enlisted without cause and disabled of any independence. There were no Saturday morning cartoons in our house that I canContinue reading “Insanity or Clarity?”

Take Courage!

Keep me safe, Oh God for in you I take refuge. psalms 16:1 I haven’t always been this brave. Brave enough to tell my story, that is. As I matter of fact I have failed more years that I have been successful at it. Maybe that’s what bravery is all about. Doing something even whenContinue reading “Take Courage!”