I entered adult life lame. I was weak and fell behind the others around me. I married my first husband at 18 to get away from my parents. He, of course, was a classic abuser and royal asshole. My attempts to keep myself and my children safe around him, never seemed to work. I wasContinue reading “Lame, But Not Disabled”
Tag Archives: #cptsdrecovery
WWW | Wednesday Words of Wisdom | Still Not Telling Your Story?
As a child, the first thing we learn when coming through childhood tragedies is to remain quiet. Don’t tell is the very first rule we are given. The problem is we did see, we did hear and we still didn’t tell. If we are ever going to change our pasts, we have to break theContinue reading “WWW | Wednesday Words of Wisdom | Still Not Telling Your Story?”
WWW | Wednesday Words of Wisdom | Birthed for Suffering?
There is a saying that “Jesus was born to die.” If Jesus was born to die, I was birthed to suffer. I don’t recall a day in my childhood that didn’t have suffering in it. Maybe I had moments where I enjoyed something – an ice cream, a bike ride, but there was always embeddedContinue reading “WWW | Wednesday Words of Wisdom | Birthed for Suffering?”
WWW | Wednesday Words of Wisdom | What Was Stolen from You?
When we learn to articiulate what our abuse took from us, we can grieve appropriately and begin to heal. If we sit in a muck of undiscovery, never articulating what we feel, we stay stuck, unhealed and a stranger to ourselves. Why discuss it? If you were a child when these sexual crimes happened toContinue reading “WWW | Wednesday Words of Wisdom | What Was Stolen from You?”
Do You Feel Laughed At?
Entry from my journal dated May 24, 2006: The day is undetermined. The future echoes the same. Where will I be in 15years. Answers undetermined. Mine not yet to know.Will I prevail in a lawsuit against Cathy? Or silently do I subside into the side shadows. Unknown. I wrote those words 16 years, 9 months,Continue reading “Do You Feel Laughed At?”
~ Bloodguilt ~
I am not saying I still believe that I’m guilty of murder, but being a witness was something that moved me on, made me turn over stones, and hunt for evidence. All my life, I knew something happened in a motel room with my father and his best friend, Craig. I always assumed that they’dContinue reading “~ Bloodguilt ~”
Is Rejection the Real Culprit?
Pain, mercy, abuse – it’s all born out of rejection. When my father was dying he and I had a six-hour conversation. We talked about a lot. I asked him who hadn’t seen his pain. I pushed the question again, saying, “Dad, was it your mother who didn’t see your pain?” He looked down atContinue reading “Is Rejection the Real Culprit?”
Conniving
I had this fascinating dream. This little boy had been raped. I told him we needed to call the police immediately for this crime. He looked up through tears and said, “I could just forgive him.” Oh my heart be still! These children that have no other method of survival simply want the pain toContinue reading “Conniving”
The Clowns of Mockery
“Who are you to tell our story? Incest is a family secret. You have no right to share it.” These are the voices of the clowns that try to impede my path to healing. “You’re fat and you should worry about that! You’re sick because of what you came from; that will never change.” OnContinue reading “The Clowns of Mockery”
Is Rejection the Real Culprit?
Pain, mercy, abuse – it’s all born out of rejection. When my father was dying he and I had a six-hour conversation. We talked about a lot. I asked him who hadn’t seen his pain. I pushed the question again, saying, “Dad, was it your mother who didn’t see your pain?” He looked down atContinue reading “Is Rejection the Real Culprit?”