Cushioned with Belief

Fear of speaking about the atrocities perpetrated against me was a very real thing. Telling about the murder I witnessed was terrifying for years. Recalling the betrayal of my parents was almost surreal, as it carried with it an intense irrational reality. My faith in God it what has sustained me with strength, dignity andContinue reading “Cushioned with Belief”

A Mouth of Decay & Rot

Do you know what keeps incest alive? People who know how to keep a secret, that’s how. The underbelly of the snake of incest can only be exposed with the action of words. The words of its victims. This battle started with my belief system. What would I believe? Who would I believe? Would IContinue reading “A Mouth of Decay & Rot”

Gracious Gratitude

I shouldn’t be who I am. That’s one of the kindness gifts my counselor gave to me. He believed in me, until I believed in myself. I am so very grateful for all the work I’ve put in to changing the destiny my parents offered me. It’s taken a lot of forgiveness. That forgiveness hasn’tContinue reading “Gracious Gratitude”

Associated with Thieves

My father used to tell me that “all people who steal, think that all people are thieves.” The problem with being raised by thieves was my associated connection to their wrong doing. They didn’t steal from the store or an organization. What they robbed was of far greater value. They ripped away my innocence andContinue reading “Associated with Thieves”

An Empty Mind

When you leave abusive, incestuous homes, not only are you on auto-pilot but your mind becomes vacant and void. I always felt like I merely stumbled from one situation to another. That’s why I held onto relationships at all costs, because I was terrified to be alone. I didn’t trust myself and without my storyContinue reading “An Empty Mind”

War on Childhood Crimes

I read an article by Erica Terry titled, Sexual Abuse and the Hidden Children of the Holocaust. From that article, she writes: In fact, the pain of sexual abuse often impacts childhood survivors far greater than other losses and traumas endured during the Holocaust. In a 2006 study, the first of its kind, Professor Rachel Lev-Wiese ofContinue reading “War on Childhood Crimes”

Useless

Going back and asking your abusers to help you is about as much good as a wet match. I witnessed a murder. I watched a woman leave this planet. She took her last breathe while I was watching. That’s a wretched thing to leave undone. As I’ve written, my father’s best friend at the time,Continue reading “Useless”

Scars of Dichotomies

A dichotomy is a¬†difference between two completely opposite ideas or things. Growing up with incest in my home bred this constantly. A parent is supposed to love, support and protect. Mine did the very opposite. A parent should teach guidance about protecting your body against sexual advances from strangers. Ah, clearly, they took advantage ofContinue reading “Scars of Dichotomies”

D E A T H

And, despair. My childhood was plagued with signs of it. Beyond my reoccurring nightmare of my father raping a woman, I did many other strange things trying to work out this mysterious puzzle that I hid inside me. Trauma takes on funny ways of revealing itself when it is outside of your mind’s eye. TheContinue reading “D E A T H”