Neglected, But Not Destroyed

Like trying to dance in a field of thorns, so it is for the broken to walk through life. There wasn’t a piece of my childhood that was protected or safe. Nothing mattered when it came to who I was. I was just meant for the pleasure, or hatred, of those I was born to.Continue reading “Neglected, But Not Destroyed”

Blood Thirsty

Society is too easy on abusers. They just are. These men and woman who rape and mangle the innocent – they know what they’re doing. They are calculated creatures who spend their time deceiving and changing the truth to fiction. Why is it so hard for folks to believe these abusers are fully aware ofContinue reading “Blood Thirsty”

Incest

What a label to wear around your neck, huh! Well, I’m so much more than the word indicates. As defined in Merriam-Webster, incest is “sexual intercourse between persons so closely related that they are forbidden by law to marry.” I wonder if this is the right word for children that are forced to have intercourseContinue reading “Incest”

Still Water

Traversing childhood traumatic experiences leaves my soul wandering sometimes. It is as if it took all the stillness out of my being. Relearning? Relearn what? I was never taught anything about stillness. Sure, I had to sit still. I had to be calm for my father, but stillness – internally, you know the thing thatContinue reading “Still Water”

Fear of Discovery

“I’m so thankful that experience happened to you, and not me,” is the thought process of most people that happen upon my story. You know why we don’t want to talk about our stories? The fear of discovering our truest self. Our experiences define parts of us, not all of us. I am all tooContinue reading “Fear of Discovery”

The Cost of Healing Delayed

As I tell my story, I have people tell me theirs. Often they add, “I know there is abuse in my past, but I’m not going there.” I think the commonly-held-belief is, that if the secret stays hidden, it will cost nothing to hide. This is downright wrong. The cost is vast and more expensiveContinue reading “The Cost of Healing Delayed”

Wailing was Forbidden

After we moved from our home on Delaware Lane, I don’t remember crying. Well, the time I was bit in the face by our Doberman Pinscher, I cried. And, the time my mother left me at home all by myself – I cried then, too. What I am talking about are the tears that drainedContinue reading “Wailing was Forbidden”

Disabled By My Abilities

I have endured too much abuse at the hands of others because of my dissociative behaviors. Let me explain. “Dissociation means simultaneously knowing and not knowing.” Body keeps the score, VAN der kolk, m.d., page 121 You read that right. “When you don’t feel real nothing matters, which makes it impossible to protect yourself fromContinue reading “Disabled By My Abilities”