Maggots in My Soul

I was 22 when my memories started to emerge. I had a one-year-old beautiful little girl and had already been married for four years. I sat down one day at the kitchen table when my daughter was taking a nap, picked up a pen and just started to write. “How my soul must have achedContinue reading “Maggots in My Soul”

Lavished in Fear

As a child, pain manifested itself in my physical body. My body could ache for days from the damage it received but I don’t ever remember crying. Fear kept crying at bay and my body alone carried the brunt of my trauma. Fear has continually hunted me most of my life. It’s ghostlike presence peeredContinue reading “Lavished in Fear”

The Pilgrimage of Prejudice

Another disturbing parcel through this healing journey has been others preconceived opinions of me that are not based on reason or knowledge of my experiences. I’ve learned that ultimately their opinion doesn’t matter, but that took some time. How do folks get so judgmental? The stronger question to me is, “Why do they want toContinue reading “The Pilgrimage of Prejudice”

The Rudimentary Need for Evidence

I’ve worked in law firms for over 30 years. I’ve watched cases won, rights be fully restored and Indian casinos opened in return for what was taken. What I have never seen is evidence manufactured. Lack of evidence is a devastating theme in the world of childhood trauma. Whatever the crime, scarcely is there evidenceContinue reading “The Rudimentary Need for Evidence”

Is Rejection the Real Culprit?

Pain, mercy, abuse – it’s all born out of rejection. When my father was dying he and I had a six-hour conversation. We talked about a lot. I asked him who hadn’t seen his pain. I pushed the question again, saying, “Dad, was it your mother who didn’t see your pain?” He looked down atContinue reading “Is Rejection the Real Culprit?”

A Covenant of Love

If you’ve missed the part of my story where I saw my parents full of hope and love, I guess I haven’t shared that with you yet. Bonnie and Clyde loved each other deeply. In a bond against the world, they survived. I have sometimes compared my parents to this daring duo. Growing up, theyContinue reading “A Covenant of Love”

The Cost of Healing Delayed

As I tell my story, I have people tell me theirs. Often they add, “I know there is abuse in my past, but I’m not going there.” I think the commonly-held-belief is, that if the secret stays hidden, it will cost nothing to hide. This is downright wrong. The cost is vast and more expensiveContinue reading “The Cost of Healing Delayed”

A Moral to the Story

I believe it doesn’t matter what standing looks like. I’ve learned to just stand. It’d be great if peace always stood with me, but that sometimes is not possible. I’ve had to toughen up through this healing process. I believe it’s the kind of growth that’s required. To be clear, this isn’t a protection thatContinue reading “A Moral to the Story”

Heart or Head Issue?

Did I need my head repaired through cognitive resources or was it more important for my heart to heal? I don’t know if Jesus is in the business of mental health but I’m certain that He heals the brokenhearted and sets free the captive. I know this because I didn’t need my brain fixed, IContinue reading “Heart or Head Issue?”