The Lone Survivor

Incest is a particularly cruel beast. I wasn’t just subjected to inhumane treatment at the hands of my family, I also had to choose what side of the road I was going to stand on. For years, I tried to stay with that corrupt family. It just didn’t work for me. I learned later thatContinue reading “The Lone Survivor”

That’s Because I’m Stupid

Growing up, I can’t remember a time when I was told I was stupid, but I always knew my family thought I was. I was too stupid to create a thought of my own, so they needed to tell me what to think. I was too dumb to figure out pretty much anything, so myContinue reading “That’s Because I’m Stupid”

Disabled By My Abilities

I have endured too much abuse at the hands of others because of my dissociative behaviors. Let me explain. “Dissociation means simultaneously knowing and not knowing.” Body keeps the score, VAN der kolk, m.d., page 121 You read that right. “When you don’t feel real nothing matters, which makes it impossible to protect yourself fromContinue reading “Disabled By My Abilities”

The Clowns of Mockery

“Who are you to tell our story? Incest is a family secret. You have no right to share it.” These are the voices of the clowns that try to impede my path to healing. “You’re fat and you should worry about that! You’re sick because of what you came from; that will never change.” OnContinue reading “The Clowns of Mockery”

The Chill of Isolation

As a child and then as an adult, aloneness was my best friend. The world around me was so terribly unsafe, what other conclusion could I draw? What other form of reprieve could I seek? When I was about eight, I created a safe play area in my closet. I turned my shelf over toContinue reading “The Chill of Isolation”

Boxing With My Fear

Realizing that other people can think and feel differently from us is a huge developmental step for two- and three-year olds. . . . Without flexible, active frontal lobes people become creatures of habit, and their relationships become superficial and routine. . . . The more intense the visceral, sensory input from the emotional brain,Continue reading “Boxing With My Fear”