The Fermented Juice of Jealousy

I don’t understand how an adult can have jealousy towards love given to a child. Of course, I believe that homes of incest don’t really offer love either. Nonetheless, my mother was desperately jealous of any time my father gave to me. How sick and wrong is that? Jealousy is a curse that was bornContinue reading “The Fermented Juice of Jealousy”

An Appetite for Change

Healing takes a mindset of growth. As a seed becomes a plant, there is visible change. The same was true in my life. The more I healed, the more everything starting to look just a little bit different. Many of my relationships in life took drastic turns: from the men I dated, to the peopleContinue reading “An Appetite for Change”

Confrontation is a Bitch

I have a compilation of stuff I’ve kept for over 15 years. Most of it contains my search for the identity of the murder victim. Rummaging through the pages, I find documentation of the many times I confronted my father, the man I watched take the life of another. Here’s an email to my fatherContinue reading “Confrontation is a Bitch”

A Noose Around My Neck

Suicide is a funny gift I used to analyze from time to time. It seemed to me a reckoning that my soul longed for. I’m not sure why that is but I knew I had an agonizing pain and I wanted it to stop at all costs. Seemed to me that death would end itContinue reading “A Noose Around My Neck”

I Don’t Have to Sugarcoat Reality

Because my faith is so strong, I feel free to declare the truth of my life. Acknowledging my afflictions does not in any way diminish my faith in God. Rather, it proves it. My examples of God’s protection over me and my children’s lives are many. Each time I tried to reconcile with the familyContinue reading “I Don’t Have to Sugarcoat Reality”

What Are Cherished Childhood Memories?

All the years I’ve spent in a counselor’s office trying to sift through the rubble of my childhood and heal, I never encountered the priceless, cherished moments that populate the early years of most. They just weren’t a commodity I was raised with. I’m not being a victim by sharing this, it’s just factual. AsContinue reading “What Are Cherished Childhood Memories?”

Forgiveness Looks Different Then You Think

I’m angry about all the people who tell victims of brutal crimes to forgive. What angers me is that they have no idea what they are asking us to do. Were they in the rooms where it happened? I don’t think so. Did they hold our hand as we walked through the years, trying toContinue reading “Forgiveness Looks Different Then You Think”