I’ve lived my entire life in this dilemma. The movies and TV tell us parents are good. Songs tell us that there is love in the world. Romance novels sell fantasy. The only way I could see good as a child was through blatant denial or fantasy. Love simply did not exist in my childhood.Continue reading “Twisted & Complicated”
I am not left alone to face these dragons of incest. I have a God that not only walks beside me, He roars at the injustices He sees. Unspeakable acts that are perpetrated against children and these abusers think they get off – scot-free. I am hear to bear witness to the fact that judgmentContinue reading “A Lion’s Roar”
Abusers carry with them a spirit that seduces you. They don’t come to you with gnarly teeth and uncombed hair. They present as love, care and nurturing. Particularly, to a child. This pattern stayed with me most of my adult life. Abusers can be fun, alive and seemingly fearless against the cares of this world.Continue reading “Candy & Pearls”
Isn’t this the opposite of being vigilant? I don’t think I’ve ever known how to just rest in life. Being carelessly lazy isn’t something I had the luxury of knowing. Oh, I have lacked enthusiasm but not determination. Almost before I remember anything else in life, I remember the will to live. It was etchedContinue reading “Lackadaisical”
Expectations are different than hope. Hope is an eternal currency. I think expectations limit me. An expectation is a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future. Hope is the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best. I think IContinue reading “Help Me Let Go”
What if you had no teacher? No direction? No one to show you a good way to go? Welcome to the world of incest. Oh, I was taught as a child. I was taught that lies are the same as truths. Facts don’t exist because they can be manipulated. Trust was earned through whole obedienceContinue reading “Teacher, Teach Me”
Forgiven of what? I owe no debt to the people who abused me. Why then does it feel like I am forced to repay something I didn’t steal? Why do abuse survivors feel the need to hide the dirty secret? Is it for their own protection or is it to protect the abuser? I thinkContinue reading “Forgive, to Be Forgiven?”
I would love to hear from you! Sharing Saturday with you. Jewel: Injustice. Injustice. Injustice. When you’re waiting for a sense of justice for a crime you’ve witnessed or endured, that is a miserable kind of waiting because you don’t know what you’re waiting for. What will the outcome be? Will justice be served orContinue reading “Jewels, Gems & Gunpowder”
My body indeed kept record of the wrongs done against it. The issue was I couldn’t just heal by simply recalling the trauma my body had received. It is so much easier for them to talk about what has been done to them — to tell a story of victimization and revenge — than toContinue reading “Flesh Wounds”
Romantic relationships for me have been wrought with destruction. If I didn’t pick an abuser, I didn’t know how to relate. My amazing counselor of over 15 years has been with me through it all. I actually went to him because I wanted to learn how to find true love with a man. What IContinue reading “A Heartthrob”
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