Modern Day Psalms
My intimate dealings with God and man.
Expressing deep feelings and faith.
A “Childless” Child
No child lived within me after the age of 3. I was grown by then. Given over fully to a life of survival. I don’t remember what act brought me to the threshold of the death of my inner child. Was it the death of a stranger I’d witnessed or was it the sexual assaultContinue reading “A “Childless” Child”
I Hate . . . Myself
I’ve spent too much of my life feeling responsible for the crimes that were done against me. The last time I saw my mother, I felt that old burden of responsibility creeping in, the desire to not to blame her and leave the shame she ladled into my life with her. I felt a needContinue reading “I Hate . . . Myself”
A Dismal Affair
Oh the time I spent courting and tending to my pain. It was with me as a lover, as an intimate friend. It was all I ever knew – once. I served my pain with decadent (or not so decadent) food! Sometimes I would gorge myself with it for hours. I would bring it wineContinue reading “A Dismal Affair”
A Noose Around My Neck
Suicide is a funny gift I used to analyze from time to time. It seemed to me a reckoning that my soul longed for. I’m not sure why that is but I knew I had an agonizing pain and I wanted it to stop at all costs. Seemed to me that death would end itContinue reading “A Noose Around My Neck”
Wickedness Prevails
Doesn’t it seem sometimes that bad people get ahead? Doesn’t it appear that the injustices of this world grow each day instead of diminish? Why is that? I went to my mother and sister last month and asked for their help unearthing the bones of the murdered woman still buried on their property. These twoContinue reading “Wickedness Prevails”
An Avalanche of Fear
Fear seldom walks with me today, but yesterday it was all I knew. The message that is left embedded in your soul coming through childhood trauma is fear. Fear of being hurt. Fear of trusting. Fear of the unknown and fear of the known. But, fear is a liar. I used to believe that myContinue reading “An Avalanche of Fear”
A Mortal Wound
Incest and all childhood sexual abuse is truly life threatening. It is a mortal wound. Will you live or will you die? A mortal wound is an injury that will ultimately lead to a person’s death. Mortal refers to the mortality of a human. Being strong gets old. Looking for the glass half full isContinue reading “A Mortal Wound”
Fear of Discovery
“I’m so thankful that experience happened to you, and not me,” is the thought process of most people that happen upon my story. You know why we don’t want to talk about our stories? The fear of discovering our truest self. Our experiences define parts of us, not all of us. I am all tooContinue reading “Fear of Discovery”
Jewels, Gems & Gunpowder
I would love to hear from you! Sharing Saturday with me by leaving your comment! Jewel: Amnesty. “What does that mean,” I asked the Lord. I grabbed my phone and searched the word. Amnesty (from the Greek ἀμνηστία amnestia, “forgetfulness, passing over”) is defined as “A pardon extended by the government to a group or class of people, usuallyContinue reading “Jewels, Gems & Gunpowder”
The Cost of Healing Delayed
As I tell my story, I have people tell me theirs. Often they add, “I know there is abuse in my past, but I’m not going there.” I think the commonly-held-belief is, that if the secret stays hidden, it will cost nothing to hide. This is downright wrong. The cost is vast and more expensiveContinue reading “The Cost of Healing Delayed”
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