I am a Warrior

Several of the women recalled lying awake, motionless, waiting for the inevitable – a brother or father coming in to molest them. The Body Keeps the Score, van der Kolk, Chapter 2, Trauma Before Dawn These were my nights. Many of them. And, I survived. How I survived is the thing to be questioned. AsContinue reading “I am a Warrior”

The Death of My Inner Child

There has been a lot recovery work around finding and healing your inner child. If you give it a quick Google search you get about 22,500,000 returns. I was probably five or six when my dad decided that we had too many cats in the world and he needed to rid us from the burdenContinue reading “The Death of My Inner Child”

I Wasn’t Born Yesterday (circa 1935)

God will always give you enough. That was my grandmother. This picture was taken of her in the early 1920s. She was born Elna Selinda, but later changed her name to Eleanor to remove some of her Finnish upbringing and become more American. It was standard in those days. I loved her so. There’s aContinue reading “I Wasn’t Born Yesterday (circa 1935)”

C-PTSD ~The Cost of Childhood Trauma

I turned 56 this July. My daughter bought me a book titled, The Complex PTDS Workbook, A Mind-Body Approach to Regaining Emotional Control & Becoming Whole by Arielle Schwartz, PhD. Another to add to my vast collection of recovery books like Judith Herman’s book Trauma and Recovery and the greatest book to hit the shelves,Continue reading “C-PTSD ~The Cost of Childhood Trauma”

Sunday Morning Coming Down

My dad loved Johnny Cash, but he loved chaos and control more. My father would drink until his legs betrayed him and he was forced to give in; subdued only until his strength returned. Denial became my gift as a child. Trust? That’s a fucking joke. Trust lived nowhere near our street and never cameContinue reading “Sunday Morning Coming Down”

Am I A Murderer

When I was three and a half years old, I murdered a woman. I spent the next 50 years retracing and recovering bent memories that had long been buried by the great force of denial. I went back and fought to uncover the truth that had been buried on 40 acres, in a sink hole,Continue reading “Am I A Murderer”