Fantasy Island – Do You Pretend?

Why is that my mind wanders away from reality so quickly? They call it dissociation but if I could live in an altered state, none of my story would be true. And, if it were true, I’d minimize it. Change the destruction of its path. I would temper it to the point where it hadContinue reading “Fantasy Island – Do You Pretend?”

The Power of Confession

When I kept my story hidden the weight was too enormous to bear. The older I got, the heavier that weight became. So, I told my story. As a little girl my deepest longing was to belong and to be loved. It was very simple. If I had told on my parents and exposed theirContinue reading “The Power of Confession”

Dad, You Should’ve Just Told the Truth

My story could have played out differently. It could have been immediately filled with grace for him. At once, forgiveness could have sat with us at a holiday table. Instead, he lied. I became despised and abhorred by his family. They are no longer my family. As a survivor of his crimes, I struggled toContinue reading “Dad, You Should’ve Just Told the Truth”

Trajectory thru Tragedy

I work in a busy corporate law firm in the Downtown area of my city. When everyone around me is stressed out and struggling, I’ve found my place by being able to step in, calm the situation down and quickly find solutions. As a result, I am now a director and run a few departmentsContinue reading “Trajectory thru Tragedy”

Abandoned, But Not Forgotten

If I didn’t honor myself by returning to my past, and bringing vindication where I could, I would have been left abandoned. I would have abandoned myself. I had to force myself to remember me. Everything around me told me to stop seeking, stop turning over rocks. “Learn to live,” they would tell me. Didn’tContinue reading “Abandoned, But Not Forgotten”

Hurt People Hurt People

Today is my brother’s birthday. I haven’t talked to my brother in so many years I’ve lost count. I sent him a letter years ago telling him I forgave him for raping me. I wrote that I understood coming from a household of incest, shit happens. I never heard back from him. I believe consciousContinue reading “Hurt People Hurt People”

“Nuts” or “Sluts”

The Nuts or Sluts defense has been used for years in many women’s cases. Famously quoted by Woody Harrelson playing the attorney Bill White in North Country, he explains how this defense is often used to make a judge think that a woman is either crazy and made it up or that she’s a slutContinue reading ““Nuts” or “Sluts””

Who Was the Murdered Woman?

A cheap Saturday night took you down. You died stupidly and harshly . . . I failed you as a talisman – so I stand now as your witness. My Dark Places, An L.A. Crime Memoir, James Ellroy I cannot bring the dead woman back, but I am a witness to her last moments onContinue reading “Who Was the Murdered Woman?”

I am a Warrior

Several of the women recalled lying awake, motionless, waiting for the inevitable – a brother or father coming in to molest them. The Body Keeps the Score, van der Kolk, Chapter 2, Trauma Before Dawn These were my nights. Many of them. And, I survived. How I survived is the thing to be questioned. AsContinue reading “I am a Warrior”