The Gift Waiting, When I Used My Voice

When I first began talking about my past, I was envious of those who did wrong in my life. It felt like they had all the power and I had none. Their schemes were being played out right before my very eyes. My words, my Truth, did not seem to deter them. They were prosperousContinue reading “The Gift Waiting, When I Used My Voice”

What’s a Diagnosis Have to Do With It?

Sure, they’re needed for insurance companies to foot the bill of counseling but I certainly didn’t need one nor do I want one. From the book The Body Keeps the Score, Chapter 9: What’s Love Got to Do with It: “The first serious attempt to create a systematic manual of psychiatric diagnoses occurred in 1980,Continue reading “What’s a Diagnosis Have to Do With It?”

Divisive Schemes of an Abuser

Abuse never stands alone. There are so many complicated areas that abusers weave into the fabric of the perfectly crafted prison cells they make for us. Many of us barely escape, and when we do, we usually never talk about it. The physical barriers may have gone but a wall of shame and secrecy keepsContinue reading “Divisive Schemes of an Abuser”

The Scream of the Brokenhearted

Why do friends and family abandon people who suffer? Some can’t handle the intense environment – they don’t want to be around pain and suffering. It’s too uncomfortable. For others, they have little sympathy and hear everything as whining or victimhood. Cry for your pain, anyway! Wear your suffering on your sleeve until you noContinue reading “The Scream of the Brokenhearted”

Sorrow is Better than Laughter

because a sad face is good for the heart. Ecclesiastes 7:3. My youngest daughter told me last night her desire to reach her pain; the pain of yet another story of incest. I had to go to bed and cry. She is my baby girl. Could there not be one thing that was scarred fromContinue reading “Sorrow is Better than Laughter”

The Persuasion of Punishment

“Why didn’t you tell somebody if your abuse was so bad?” These clever folks speak to you about something they know nothing of – being a child of severe sexual, physical and psychological abuse. Do they not understand the fear that was instilled into my little being? Not only was my body pierced by theContinue reading “The Persuasion of Punishment”

The Casualties of Having No Comfort

Abuse was the foundation of my suffering. The freeze that kept it steady was the lack of comfort I received. My parents had to be sociopaths of some kind or they would have seen the pain of their children. They would have noticed the night hours I was up in agony. They would have seenContinue reading “The Casualties of Having No Comfort”

Knowing Good from Evil

Growing up in the dysfunction of incest caused so many truths to be unknown to me. When my daughter was about five, she asked me a question that hurt my heart to the core. I was putting her down one night and she said, “Mommy, how will I know when someone is bad? Dad isContinue reading “Knowing Good from Evil”

What Was My Reward?

As I tell my story, I’m also listening to the stories of others. A common theme is the need for the abuser’s validation or some form of love that brings a sense of reconciliation. I’m abhorred at that. If God is involved in the situation, I can see His love coming in and helping theContinue reading “What Was My Reward?”

I Wasn’t Born with Integrity

I had to learn early to just do the next right thing. It wasn’t that easy coming from the territory I came from. My parents’ lessons taught me many things, but integrity, unfortunately, wasn’t among the list. I grew up knowing how to manipulate to get what I needed. That’s what they did. I wasn’tContinue reading “I Wasn’t Born with Integrity”