Growing up in the dysfunction of incest caused so many truths to be unknown to me. When my daughter was about five, she asked me a question that hurt my heart to the core. I was putting her down one night and she said, “Mommy, how will I know when someone is bad? Dad isContinue reading “Knowing Good from Evil”
Author Archives: Just Jodie
What Was My Reward?
As I tell my story, I’m also listening to the stories of others. A common theme is the need for the abuser’s validation or some form of love that brings a sense of reconciliation. I’m abhorred at that. If God is involved in the situation, I can see His love coming in and helping theContinue reading “What Was My Reward?”
I Wasn’t Born with Integrity
I had to learn early to just do the next right thing. It wasn’t that easy coming from the territory I came from. My parents’ lessons taught me many things, but integrity, unfortunately, wasn’t among the list. I grew up knowing how to manipulate to get what I needed. That’s what they did. I wasn’tContinue reading “I Wasn’t Born with Integrity”
The Lone Survivor
Incest is a particularly cruel beast. I wasn’t just subjected to inhumane treatment at the hands of my family, I also had to choose what side of the road I was going to stand on. For years, I tried to stay with that corrupt family. It just didn’t work for me. I learned later thatContinue reading “The Lone Survivor”
Bloodguilt
I am not saying I still believe that I’m guilty of murder, but being a witness was something that moved me on, made me turn over stones and hunt for evidence. All my life, I knew something happened in a motel room with my father and his best friend, Craig. I always assumed that they’dContinue reading “Bloodguilt”
That’s Because I’m Stupid
Growing up, I can’t remember a time when I was told I was stupid, but I always knew my family thought I was. I was too stupid to create a thought of my own, so they needed to tell me what to think. I was too dumb to figure out pretty much anything, so myContinue reading “That’s Because I’m Stupid”
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
There were times when I thought I was two people. One night, I might feel like a four-year-old-child, alone and desperate; the next day, I was a graduated women, full of strength and emotion. I remember a time I was sitting on the floor of my bathroom. I was compelled to get a piece ofContinue reading “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde”
Disabled By My Abilities
I have endured too much abuse at the hands of others because of my dissociative behaviors. Let me explain. “Dissociation means simultaneously knowing and not knowing.” Body keeps the score, VAN der kolk, m.d., page 121 You read that right. “When you don’t feel real nothing matters, which makes it impossible to protect yourself fromContinue reading “Disabled By My Abilities”
When Jesus Met Me
It wasn’t after a long night running with wild, crazy horses – or binging on cocaine and lemon drops. That’s not where He met me. He met me as a little girl. Pegged against a closet door in the bedroom of a tiny dismal house on Deleware Lane. I was shaking from the rape ofContinue reading “When Jesus Met Me”
The Clowns of Mockery
“Who are you to tell our story? Incest is a family secret. You have no right to share it.” These are the voices of the clowns that try to impede my path to healing. “You’re fat and you should worry about that! You’re sick because of what you came from; that will never change.” OnContinue reading “The Clowns of Mockery”
