A Family Privilege

It is Thanksgiving tomorrow. The family I came through no longer sits at the same table with me. I like it that way but it took me a long time to get there. Meals spent growing up were absent of any comfort – the comfort of love. The first person to leave the table wasContinue reading “A Family Privilege”

A Healing Balm

Incest left a scorched path of intolerable pain that I needed healing for. No amount of reparenting my soul was going to touch that pain. A yoga session was not going to be able to quench the sting of this long-laid plan to destroy parts of me and still the lost integrity to my soul.Continue reading “A Healing Balm”

Collusion

I think we all would like to believe we are no longer in collusion with our abusers. That can only be true when we’ve stopped the secretive cooperation with them. This deceitful agreement we have with them keeps us quiet. I knew when I was no longer in collusion with my family. It was whenContinue reading “Collusion”

Insanity or Clarity?

As a child, I had very little independent thinking outside of my father. My abuse started when I was so small, that it was as if I had become a solider in my father’s army. Enlisted without cause and disabled of any independence. There were no Saturday morning cartoons in our house that I canContinue reading “Insanity or Clarity?”

Discretionary Fools

At their own peril, predators believe that their lies will be kept hidden forever. One of the vilest results of sexual abuse is how it deceives and confuses those who are victims, as well as those who are perpetrators or silent witnesses. It deadens the ability to discern good from evil. It confuses the mindContinue reading “Discretionary Fools”

Take Courage!

Keep me safe, Oh God for in you I take refuge. psalms 16:1 I haven’t always been this brave. Brave enough to tell my story, that is. As I matter of fact I have failed more years that I have been successful at it. Maybe that’s what bravery is all about. Doing something even whenContinue reading “Take Courage!”

Faithless Deeds of Darkness

My father took my virginity and he also taught me about god. I’ve obviously struggled a great deal to learn the God of the bible. He is not the god my father knew. In my very early years, my parents were without any form of godliness. After the murder and after we moved into theContinue reading “Faithless Deeds of Darkness”

Chiseled Away By Grief and Unbelief

Wouldn’t healing be easier if I believed all my memories at once? I’d struggle less if I didn’t hold some memories in the case of disbelief. I don’t want to believe they’re true, so I’ll just tuck them away in the cabinet of denial. That works for a little while. Then the memory leaks throughContinue reading “Chiseled Away By Grief and Unbelief”