Teaser Tuesday

The audiobook A Prisoner by No Crime of My Own is back with the audio editor. It will be available after final audit within two weeks. Several copies were already purchased and I apologize for the minor flaws that were included in the first publishing. If you purchased the audiobook and would like the newly edited edition, just let me know and I’ll send you a free code. This is such tedious work!

Thank you for supporting this book! The many purchases have been great and the reviews encouraging. A relatable story that brings validation to your world.

Chapter 3 – Indoctrination

“But I think I know so well the pain we children clutch to our chests, how it lasts our whole lifetime, with longings so large you can’t even weep. We hold it tight, we do, with each seizure of the beating heart: This is mine, this is mine, this is mine.” 

My Name Is Lucy Barton by Elizabeth Strout

. . .

Today, I’ve learned that I don’t need this tool anymore, but I certainly did at one time. I’m grateful it was available to me. The images of body parts I couldn’t unsee, the smell of an old motel room that I couldn’t stop, the sound of a strange scream – experiences that were in a constant projectile made it impossible to tolerate more than simply getting through the it all. To sustain the memories then would have been a demand too tall for my little frame. Withholding it all from memory was my gift to survive. Contradiction was my gift to allow play. Disagreement with reality my gift so I could sleep. Oh, the truth still happened by every now and again, but at least for many uncalibrated moments, I got to breathe.

These tools handed down ultimately became weapons I would use against my father. I developed some of my own tools as well. I stayed constantly vigilant in my observation of him, memorizing the way he exerted control and manipulated others to get what he wanted. I was a soldier being indoctrinated for war. Mundane family projects became training opportunities for surviving the battleground of childhood.

. . .

Published by Gracedxoxo

I have the courage to tell my story to help others embrace theirs.

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