Coping, changing, unchanging — all of it is messy. Healing is messy. Living can be dangerous. Surviving formidible.
I am still standing – after it all.
Sometimes I have lived in a lane of peaceful healing, talk is good, forgiveness seems easy. Other times, I am not peaceful, I feel hateful inside, I dispise other people who came from good.
At all times I do try to keep my heart in check. It is the avenue by which I guage living. I am watchful of what resides there. Am I keeping hate close or am I getting rid of it by processing? Do I hold envy? I ask myself honest questions, pray, and through retrospection and reading God’s word, I guard my inner parts.
Moving through the ugly feelings of emotions, betrayal, lack of justice — all of this is fine. What is not fine is for me to keep those pieces locked away inside.
You see you! By using this as my guide, I measure myself through the lens of me not comparing myself to another. By seeing myself, I take my eyes off of things outside of me — other people. The advantage of focusing on me is the edge that makes surviving possible. It removes the power for outside influences.