The book A Prisoner by No Crime of My Own is available in all formats on Amazon. To pique interest, I will share tidbits from the manuscript with you each Tuesday.
Chapter 12 | Inciting Murder
You wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down.”
– Toni Morrison from Song of Solomon
. . .
Then, I write: D E A T H with a large period, underlined three times. It was the word I wrote on the wall in my adolescence. It saddened me deeply to have the understanding of my behavior back then. Why didn’t someone, my parents, ask me what the hell was wrong with me? Why didn’t they explore the nature of such a message? I was so angry with them for allowing my existence in this prison that only they held the keys to. Years later my mother and I shared this email exchange about the incident:
June 21, 2005: Good day, Momma.
How is your day? Last night I was reading this book that I’m really enjoying….anyway, I remembered the time I wrote, with pencil, on the wall right above the entry way “D E A T H” and punctuated it with a knife. Do you remember? The police were called, etc. I did that. Did I ever tell you that was me? I can’t remember, but all seems to make sense to me know.
June 21, 2005: Hi, Sweetheart:
Yes, I do remember when you did that and also when you confessed to it years later. I have to confess too, that I had sensed at the time that you had done it but is was easier for me to not face any of the traumas you were going through. It’s called selfishness and cowardice.
I am sure there is still a great deal of both in my life but this I know – I am here for you. You may not be able to receive that yet, which I understand. My motive is sincere when I tell you I will help in any way I can. You should not bear this alone. It’s so very wrong for it to have ever been your burden. Please let others help.
I love her for those words but then, I realized, her words were for her safety not mine.
. . .to be continued . . .