How do you learn to like yourself after a traumatic childhood.
When you’ve been beaten physically & spiritually and emotionally… how do you look in the mirror and smile with genuine appreciation and gratitude?
Answer: I don’t know.
I do know that most if not all of us struggle to practice self-love to some degree, but that it can be especially challenging for abuse survivors to master.
I often catch myself not feeling worthy of food, of love, of compliments, of comfort. I have to challenge these engrained beliefs on a daily basis.
These are some of the ways that I’ve found to help myself through feelings of self-hatred and shame and to stop the cycle of self harm:
❤️It’s normal to become confused, dismissive or derogatory regarding your own feelings, as that’s what abusers do to their victims. It will require some practice, but consider pulling out a journal or setting a timer and meditating next time you experience a wave of negative feelings. Instead of telling yourself something like, “I’m being too dramatic,” or, “I don’t have a right to feel that way,” try and remember that your thoughts and feelings are important for you to take note of and to not stuff away. It might be uncomfortable, but sitting in those thoughts through activities like journaling and meditation can begin to make you feel more comfortable with listening to yourself.
❤️Put together a list of things that are great about you (borrow from a friend or family member if you are struggling with creating your own list). Hang it on a wall or put it in a secret place you will commit to accessing every day. Look at it. Read it. Then, state those positive things aloud every day: I am lovable. I am powerful. I am beautiful. I am compassionate. (And anything else positive you can think of or that someone else says about you.) Remember, you don’t have to believe they are right or feel the truth of them in the beginning. But brain science tells us that when you state aloud these positive thoughts and expressions, it changes your brain and its negative thought cycle.
❤️B