I don’t believe my words are twisted, but an abuser can represent them to others and change their meaning.
Chaos and confusion doesn’t come from God. I’ve stayed close to him through the years and he guards me, teaches me, moves me on. He has helped me separate what my voice is and what my voice is not.
My words are not twisted. My memories are clear.
The twisting comes from those outside of me. I think back to my first marriage. I was in that marriage for 17 years. He was a classic abuser — mentally, physically, and sexually — he hurt his entire family. When I first got into counseling, I had a counselor tell me to “stop running everything by my husband.”
I thought being a good wife was to run everything by him.
The counselor explained it this way, “the only world you are seeing is the world according to him.”
Think about that. Would this twist my words, my thoughts, my feelings, and emotions? You betcha!
Let’s talk about the police department. They spend less than an hour with me, take the case, and begin looking at this “suspicious persons” case. I learn when the file is closed and I receive an excerpt record that this detective spent three hours with my mother and sister.
Do you suppose they twisted my words? I think it’s clear.
A quote from North Country from a lawyer to a woman seeking justice: ‘they’ll say you’re either nuts and you imagined it, or your a slut and you asked for it’. The ‘nuts and sluts’ defense. Sound familiar?
You see you! It takes courage, depth of exploration, and a path that doesn’t end.
In the end, I have learned to trust myself.