A continuum with healing for me was finding moments of fun — full of pleasure. That isn’t an easy task for me.
Much like sex had to feel dirty to be pleasurable, fun had to feel “bad” to be good. Oxymorons abound in the complicated life of a survivor.
Sometimes when I chat with Jesus, I metaphorically have seen him with me in a field of tall grass — flowers swaying in the breeze. I am a child. He takes my small hands and dances ’round with me – laughing. His face is full of love and smiles. It is the most beautiful scene. Sometimes, I find myself looking for that scene in my mind’s eye because it soothes me, comforts me, and teaches me joy.
Life is supposed to be enjoyed, too.
The white knuckling that delving into the past brings, must have relief in it. I believe wholeheartedly in returning to past memories to heal. It is a must. During the process, however, when you can find moments to steal away, do! Bring pockets of happiness to your being.
If cooking makes you smile — cook! If going skating makes you happy — go skating. Put on a dinner party surrounded by those you love. Do something during the process of healing that puts your being at ease.
Life is meant to be more than pain.
