On the topic of acting …
I am reminded of the facad you are encouraged to maintain in order to survive…in order to go on with your daily life. This acting starts young and the facade grows deeper and more insidious with time and before long, not even you can unravel the false person you have become from the authentic person you were meant to be.
Your ‘apparently normal part’ dominates your mind; it’s numb appears to be in control. It is the actor.
You had shut out the past as a way to survive, but occasionally the trauma will breakthrough, and you suddenly become flooded with fear and pain. But then you push it down deeper and become more desperate to appear normal and functional.
But the actor cannot manage forever. Sooner or later, she must exit the stage and get on with real life. She must confront the ghosts, the horrors, the darkness … in order to find the light.