By definition repentance means sincere regret or remorse. Through healing I found myself looking more at my own actions more than looking at the actions of my abusers. It is the only way to heal.
If it is the fault of everyone else, how do I have control over anything. Yes, my family did miserable things to me. And, yes, I still have to look at my actions, my heart — the way I respond to things.
If I stared only at the actions of my abusers, I would find myself at an impasse. Oh, telling my story is not just accusing my abusers. It is far more than that. Telling my story brings accountability to how it affected me — who I became in the process of that abuse. That is my responsibility. Period.
If a bear happened upon my property and attacked me, what would I do next? I would see what wounds I have, go see a doctor to care for them, and then heal from the damage. Right?
What good would it do me to lock that bear up in a cage, take away his light, feed him only rotten food and mistreat him daily. How would that heal my wounds? If I only focused on the bear and not my injuries, my wounds — without attention — would never heal. Period. They would try to repair themselves, leaving horrendous scarring or worse they would fester and bleed and cause infection. Without attention they could possibly lead to death.
I know that if I cast my focus on my abusive past, on the people who hurt me, it leads to death. Death of focusing on the future. Death to my journey. Death to joy. Death to just about everything good. It only keeps the abuse alive.
I ain’t doing that!
I am going to focus on me. U C U – God tells me. That’s when my journey took a huge leap forward.