Even though I found recovery, the desire to numb or disassociate, has never really gone away because I was faced with an un-anaesthetized and very uncomfortable reality.
Sometimes PTSD feels like the lights are turned on at the brightest setting and the noise is on high. There is no escape.
Some learn to live with noise or tune it out while others learn how to turn the knob back down to a reasonable level.
When our senses are fully bombarded, when we never feel safe… it can be very tempting to check out, numb out, or dissociate.
Because of this, we stop listening to our bodies, the cues it tells us and how to be present in our lives.
For me, the only answer has been stop, process, and learn how to better regulate. Choosing to face the music, learn to turn it down (or up when I feel like it) has been a game changer. Prayerful meditation has been so helpful with this.
I have started to thrive in ways I never realized were possible. You can too!