F N’ F

On the discussion of fear — what if Father God asked you, “Why do you fear me?

I feared God for so many years. In ways, I still do. It is very hard to separate what I learned through my early years in a home of incest. I feared my earthly father greatly. My mom, she just seemed to hate me. They were good teachers. It has taken me a good share of my life to undo their lessons.

I matter to God. I always have. I know he found me when I was just a small child. It wasn’t a vision, I just knew he was beside me. But, it was Jesus I met. Would I or could I have trusted a heavenly Father as a kid? I fear not!

Just recently have I learned more about an eternal Father who loves me, who seeks after me, and watches over every step of my life — including my choices.

See that you do not look down on one of these littles ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven.”

Matthew 18:10-11

Those are the words of Jesus. When he stopped by my dismal bedroom on Delaware Lane when I was three in 1968, he left with me a guardian angel. Oh, the abuse continued but God was now watching and he was with me.

My life has been difficult, I’m not going to lie. But, I am beyond grateful that God has been there. As a matter of fact, I know I’ve met the angel that watches over me. It sounds a bit ludicrous, I know, but I know it to be true.

I was dining at a beautiful restaurant on the Columbia River with my husband. A man walked in and sat behind us. I had an overwhelming feeling to ask him to join us and he did. I was struggling to maintain my marriage at the time and drinking heavily most days.

When my husband got up to use the restroom, this man asked me for a pen. I didn’t have a pen but I had an eyeliner stick. He wrote what you see here:

You see you! I knew what God was telling me. He saw me and needed me to see myself. I needed to stop relying on everything outside of myself — fearing more pain, rejection and so on. I was blaming my husband for everything! I was watching everyone around me – expending my strength in a protection/victim mode.

Since UCU – I have been a changed person.

Father God is watching — you do have a witness to it all! Try to trust Him more today.

Published by Gracedxoxo

I have the courage to tell my story to help others embrace theirs.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: