What’s the difference between a scar and a sore? In my mind, a scar is something that once hurt but is no longer painful, while a sore is something that hurts right now. You view a scar as being about something that happened to you and recognize that it isn’t happening now.
A sore is different: it’s an active wound that keeps hurting. It’s helpful to think about events in life as scars or sores in order to distinguish what’s active and really needs our attention and what’s a memory to ignore.
The idea I’ve learned from reading about childhood trauma is to let sores from childhood (or later) become scars. Let them develop a tough, thick skin around them. Remind yourself that the wounding you suffered is over and done with and that you are now healed from it.
See the scar, not the wound beneath it.
When you feel wounded now, look at what’s going on objectively, as if it’s the first time it’s happening and decide how to react. If you’re hurting in the present, you need an appropriate response for now, not one that’s based on another time and place.