I don’t believe women should necessarily focus so much energy on understanding their perpetrator, caring for him, waiting for him or needing him to acknowledge what he has done to move on with healing.
Because of my father, my adulthood has been primarily about recuperating. The price has been high – what he took from me.
I understand the desire for an apology. It’s about being seen and being heard. But needing the apology to move on, or lift a burden, is counting on an outside source for emancipation. There are other ways of accessing power for oneself.
I’ve recovered much of myself without a true apology from my father.
Apologies, as one friend points out, are for bumping into people. Sure, they’re appreciated, but frequently meaningless.
To free myself was to be in control of my narrative.
If I keep working hard, healing my pain and stay dogged enough….I can mastermind my life story.
To know what you know and feel what you feel does not require outside validation.