The bible tells us a “tender reed will not be broken.” In my childhood, I was — broken.
How do you give what you have never received? My children were born to a mother who had never seen tenderness. Cruelty was the character that ruled my life. How then was I to know what kindness looked like? What was softness?
I was never treated tenderly. After I witnessed a murder at three years old, no one ever came to me to speak words of comfort. No one ever came.
I was — almost dead.
My first marriage of 18 years left more misery embedded in my soul. I left that marriage nearly hating everything. Everything but my children.
That’s the truth.
Hardly functioning by the time I was 35 years old, I clearly wanted to die but I had two prisoners by my side now. What I did next mattered. It mattered for their lives and it mattered for my own life.
Fight – I did. With everything in me.
Did I fight with gentleness? Nope!
Did I fight gracefully? Nope!
Did I surrender to the ugliness that brought me up? Nope!
“Sometimes you have to be a high-riding bitch to survive. Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hold onto.”
― Stephen King, Dolores Claiborne/Insomnia
Father, I come before you today with as much openness as I can muster. Please soften the areas of my heart that have never been allowed to be pliable. Please further open the deep recess of my soul that have never been comforted. Let me know your gentleness. Let me see your kindness. Let me war now with the weapons of peace.
In your precious name, Jesus. Amen.