Wrestling with My Thoughts

The endurance to out smart my intellection has been challenging. Since I was tiny, I over think everything. Every mood that stood next to me — every action. Everything I’ve done wrong — everything I’ve done right.

This left no room for imagination. I didn’t have time for that nonsense. I had to survive.

Now that I’m safe, how do I shut that mechanism of survival off?

King David wrote in Psalms 13,

“How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
    How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
    and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
    How long will my enemy triumph over me?

This — a longing of my soul.

It’s tough. I don’t have all the answers. I built myself this way to survive. Anything else and terror may again surround me.

I don’t need to be told this is hypervigilance — I know it is. I’m doing my due diligence coming through what I came through, aren’t I?

2 thoughts on “Wrestling with My Thoughts

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