Darkness has a persuasion that can be strong at times. It lures us in, teasing us with its luster. The opulent lifestyles of the rich, the beauty of those given over to eating disorders and lengthy limbs, the peace that seems to flow out of control.
These are the things that can tempt me.
To stay with the balance of duty, isn’t very glamorous. To be given over to responsibility lacks luster.
It was so fun to run with the dark wind. Peep behind the curtains of the entertaining.
Or, was it?
Rather, was it the place I felt I belonged? In the dark recesses of life, hidden away from the “good” people.
I think I was tempted to believe that’s all I was worth. Hiding away my nights with those creatures that seemed to thrive in it. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I loved some of those people. I loved them very much.
You know why?
I felt like I belonged somewhere. Somewhere hidden away with them.
Now that I keep most of my time lived in the daylight, looking back doesn’t bring the same peace it once did. My temptations to slip away into the blurry night just aren’t there as they once were.
Don’t get me wrong. I still love a fantastic glass of red wine, sipped slowly with a juicy steak. I still like to stop and gamble a little bit while the iron is hot with anticipation of some fun.
I’m no saint nor do I belong in a convent, but I do find my worth beyond the darkness now. What once drew me in, just doesn’t have the same pull.
That includes the family I was born into. Their covenant of love is no longer mine. Their deceiving ways have no place in my home. Their control can stay with them.
I still like to tease! I just don’t play with fire anymore.
