The Ship of Abuse

Coming from incest felt like sailing the seas on a large ship that operated well. From my father, who was the captain, to the chief mate, who was my mother, everyone had their roles. Each of them lied to other, they stole from everyone including themselves and there was never rest.

My father and his mate in the summer of ’57.

Our ship had a third mate to stand watch, too. That was my father’s best friend, Craig.

A captain is responsible for the day-to-day affairs of the ship under his command. It is his responsibility to ensure that all the departments perform to the requirements. Therefore, the heads of the various departments answer to him.

So what happens when you lose a person that runs the ship?

There is confusion and mayhem. No one knows how to operate the ship.

Every time I left an abuser, it felt like I didn’t know how to run my own vessel. I had someone in command over me my entire life. When I married, that continued. I found someone to captain my ship because I had never learned to be a captain.

I had to learn how to operate my own vessel. It was scary and it has taken me years learning how to control my own ship, taking charge of the rudder to guide my ship where I wanted to go.

When I first got my vessel back, it felt empty and unmanned. There was no captain. I’m learning how. With God as my guide, I am now at the helm of my ship.

Published by Gracedxoxo

I have the courage to tell my story to help others embrace theirs.

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