To My Angels

Incest is a family affair. Each week on Mondays I’m going to writing to my daughters and share it here with you. On Thursdays, my girls will write back to me.

We are The Three B’s. We hope our story brings reality, inspiration and hope to you.

To My Angels,

You were born two years and seven months apart. I had never experienced joy until I knew you both. Surrendering to that love wasn’t difficult, rather I enjoyed learning this new aspect of life.

I cannot tell you when incest has not been with us. The tear in my soul that was created can wake me out of a sound sleep crying. But, of this I am certain, we will get beyond these times and live life fully again.

Two beautiful blonde-haired angels.

I have retraced our years together with your father. I am perplexed that I didn’t find this monster in his entirety while we lived with him. I ask myself, “How did you not see it! Incest! How did it remain hidden from me?”

As I think of your early years, I can remember each bedroom you had in detail. I remember thinking I was watching over you, to protect you. I taught you about the danger that strangers could bring, but neglected to teach you (and me) to look inside our home for those dangers!

I knew your father had anger and hit us too often, but it didn’t seem as bad as my past and I could tolerate a lot!

Unfortunately, my past had made dismal living just a simple reality for me.

My love for you blinded me. That seems so wrong and obscure now, but that’s how I saw it. I believed he was so mean and torturing to me that you two were safe. I see now that’s how we all felt in his house. Tortured and afraid.

I cannot begin to find the words to express to you my sorrow and grief for your pain. I would give my life to undo those years for you.

He took from us the most precious thing you can ever steal from a person. I am so sorry for that.

I can tell you what he did not and could not take. Our love for each other. My love for you.

Years later we had people come forward to tell us their brutal story with this pig. One told us that he had sexually abused her, too. Another said that they had witnessed him touching you in a sexual way. It was his own father that told me to finally leave and never look back.

For God’s sake why! Why didn’t those people come forward sooner.

If they had, would I have listened to them – then?

To each fiber of your being, I want you to hear this. You are loved and have deep value. You are protected and safe now. You are wanted beyond measure.

In the end, it was my love for you that won. My promise to you both is that there will never be another day of earth that I don’t want to hear your pain, listen to your hopes and follow your dreams with you.

Your father did not win. You did!

All love ~ Momma

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