A Choice Chair

Who will sit in the chair beside you?

Will it be your abuser? When it’s a family member, many times the chair beside you holds an abuser.

What do you do with that?

For years I sat beside my abusers. I ate Christmas dinner with them, passed rolls and shared dessert together.

I pretended, just as they did.

Until the day I decided I was done with the charade. I’d played their game long enough. I didn’t want to play anymore.

So off I went. Here’s the problem. I hadn’t explored the patterns they’d created in me and what did I do?

I found someone to replace them!

The cycle of abuse. It’s real. It’s life threatening and you have to explore it.

Without reopening the doors to your abuse, you will continue to play the abuse cycle out. We want to say that our abuse wasn’t that bad, minimize the suffering and silence it has injected into our life. We like to pretend that it still somehow – brings us pleasure; pleasure if we use our past sufferings appropriately.

What do I mean?

Most sexually abused people know what I mean. Many of us become hypersexual and seek sexual exploration. I’m not sure this is all about pleasure for ourselves. For me, it was about giving pleasure to others. Of course, there are some of us that go into locked down and deny life to any of our sexual parts.

Many recreate the abuser by choosing a person that has similar characteristics and then we continue to play the game. I think if we don’t stop the abuse wheel from spinning, we don’t have to look at the abuse.

Our minds are a fascinating thing and so often they can work against.

So, the choice is now yours. Who will you let sit in the seat next to you?

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